reworked version of a logline I submitted previously.
Unable to pay his comatose wife?s hospital bills, a brilliant psychiatrist is forced to take on an unusual patient: an organic supercomputer running mining operations on an asteroid. Will he be able to repair the computer before it crashes the asteroid into the earth?
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Cool concept, but stop for a moment: does the pyschiatrist “take on” the new patient, motivated by the inability to pay his bills, or perhaps because the world is about to be destroyed? To me, it sounds similar to saying “I’m going to dismantle the bomb placed here in the lobby of my work place simply because it doesn’t go with the decor!”
If he has the ability to help out in this situation, one would assume he would regardless of his financial situation. My advice: remove that motivator, or change it. The concept is great, and the logliine otherwise is excellent.
“Despondent over his dying wife, a suicidal psychiatrist reluctantly helps a new patient- a supercomputer on an earth-bound meteor- and must choose between the end of “his world” or the end of THE world!”
The motivation is legitimatized- he doesn’t know if he can go on without here. Now, interject the conflict: if he doesn’t, it’s the end of the world. If he does, it’ll probably result in his wife’s death. It’s the old “Sophie’s Choice” syndrome.
I agree with Sharkeatingman. The paying for hospital bills is completely redundant in a situation where the fate of the entire world is at stake. I’m pretty sure the government or huge corporation who want him to solve their problem would be more than happy to foot the bill.
Instead focus on the irony of a man who is trying to save the world, but can’t save the one person he cares for the most.
Maybe: A brilliant psychiatrist must overcome the grief of his terminally ill wife and repair an organic mining-supercomputer, before the asteroid it resides on destroys the planet.
I didn’t made it clear in the logline, but whilst the hospital bills motivate him to take the job on the asteroid (unaware of the computer’s homicidal intentions), they aren’t really a prime motivator after that.
The irony of the situation with his wife is very important to the story but I think I’ll take her out of the logline to simplify things.
Maybe the logline should be:
‘A psychiatrist takes on an unusual patient: an organic supercomputer running mining operations on an asteroid. Will he be able to fix the psychotic computer before it crashes the asteroid into the earth?’
Absolutely love the concept, but I can’t pinpoint the genre.
I’m guessing drama, like Good Will Hunting, but with a supercomputer instead of Matt Damon. But an asteroid heading towards earth also hints at action… am I right? Or is the movie just him at his wife’s hospital bed, and him at his mac IM-ing with this supercomputer? Not saying thats bad, it could work as a low budget film.
It’s Good Will Hunting in space!
There’s a setup on earth but the bulk of the action takes place on the asteroid. Genrewise, I’d probably say it’s a sci-fi thriller, but I’m never entirely certain with genre.
Cool! So the psychiatrist travels to the asteroid? Thats interesting! Maybe that can be worked into the logline so the promise of action will be stronger.