A single man deemed useless finds a way into the hearts of people and is offered the opportunity to build a fulfilling life. After he meets a woman, and starts to make a sufficient amount of money, he soon learns that the meaning of happiness varies.
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Seems a bit underwhelming. Phrases like “useless”, “fulfilling life”, “sufficient amount” lack any real depth, making the logline and the concept itself hum-drum and fairly shallow.
Try picking out better descriptive words here, and you’ll ratchet up the intrigue some.
“A Pathetic, inconsequential pauper discovers that, even with sudden fame and fortune, life can still be meaningless without the love of a good woman.”
Now, I admit, that’s a terrible logline ripe with cliches, but I hope you get what I’m trying to say. More colorful, expressive descriptives words with improved conflict and irony, can take a logline from good to great.
I hope this was helpful in some way.
Being more specific would help this logline shine.
Why is he deemed useless? E.g. He is extremely disorganised, a drug addict, a drunkard, depressed
What makes him decide to find his way into the hearts of people? E.g. His has a near death experience. His father dies. He turns 40.
How does he win people’s hearts? E.g. Becomes a world famous piano player.
Coaches a baseball team and wins the world series…
And what is the opportunity?
Hope that helps
Hi Andrew.The story at first glance didn’t move me to anticipate the movie.I agree with sharkeatingman in that it lacks colourful adjectives to enhance the key players role and action that is to come. Obviously happiness varies but what is the inciting incident? What happens to him that turns his life around? Hope it helps. 🙂
Also your title perhaps can be improved, that will intrigue or at least put a smile on one’s face when they read it for the first time. For example “Lovely wife awesome life”. To that title anyone happily married would agree. I think it would also make a good romantic comedy. Can i ask what is the genre of your logline?