Upside down in a binge, Hank Thomson loses a key that came with a cat that nobody wanted, putting his unborn child in danger; Bad luck for Hank since that cat?s key belongs to a trinity of badass’ that will kill the woman carrying his future. “So just remember, Hank!”
SeamooreLogliner
Upside down in a binge, Hank Thomson loses a key that came with a cat that nobody wanted, putting his unborn child in danger; Bad luck for Hank since that cat?s key belongs to a trinity of badass’ that will kill the woman carrying his future. “So just remember, Hank!”
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Wording is important. You say nobody wants the cat, but then say, the cat is owned by not one, but three bad guys and they trusted the cat so much they put a mysterious key on it, and now they are desperately looking for the cat and key.
So the story sounds interesting. But the logline is confusing and probably doesn’t do your story justice.
After losing the key which came with the cat…? If the key was that important the trinity of badass’ shouldn’t have lost the cat in the first place. Them blaming Hank (drop the name) is a childish causality. You tend to write antagonists inclined to harm the hero’s family for his sins (like in your previous logline). I wonder if it’s the best way to create interesting adversaries.
>>>that will kill the woman carrying his future.
Isn’t that a spoiler?? Something a logline should never have.
I still don’t understand what the overarching plot is.? I have an idea of what the bad guys want.? I have not idea of what Hank wants, what his? overarching objective goal.? And “So, just remember, Hank”? doesn’t seem to add? anything of value to the logline.
I am looking to match the style of my bible (its a 30min series), while also fulfilling the logline requirements. A little outside the box…
Thank You!