An esoteric detective is recruited to find a pregnant woman?s killer, and a struggling rock and roll band holds the key to the mystery.
AjaPenpusher
An esoteric detective is recruited to find a pregnant woman?s killer, and a struggling rock and roll band holds the key to the mystery.
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If you drop the recruiting section it gives you room for connective tissue. “Investigating a pregnant woman’s murder a detective …..”
I personally have the feeling of a random sequence of unconnected elements… an esoteric detective, a murdered pregnant woman, a rnr band… This could be a?masterpiece (it makes me think about the novel Inherent Vice – I haven’t seen the movie) but as a logline it fails to build interest because of a lack of coherence. The key of this one is ‘the mystery’: if the author really master his mystery he should try to give the reader some elements to prouve that.
As the others said.
Who recruits the detective? ?Who is the stakeholder, the one who must know who did it and bring the culprit to justice?
And if the detective is recruited, does that mean he’s a private detective?
Agreed with Karel.
The causality between the events sounds tenuous.
Also, how is a detective recruited? Isn’t it his or her job to catch criminals? It would just be another day at work for the detective.? To that matter, what is so unusual about the detective getting a case to solve? Maybe I’m missing something, but what is the out of the ordinary event that motivates this character to take action?
Just one last note, I think Rock n’ Roll is a bit out of date. A quick google search revealed that kids, nowadays, use something more like: Synthpop, Dance-rock, electronic rock, new wave, Alternative R&B, French Elctro, the list goes on.
It sounds intriguing!
Just a little, well… Mysterious. 🙂
With esoteric, do you mean eccentric?
The thing I’m missing in the logline is the connection between the detective and the rock & roll band.
It feels like a fairly loose idea, and I believe any?connection could give it more focus.