Penpusher
Posted: 2012-11-28T08:27:17+10:00 In:

Wealthy British aristocrat attempts to start over by relocating with his trusty maid to Beverley Hills. Becoming an unlikely hero, continuously saving the day, just wasn?t in the plans.

That British Guy

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    8 Reviews

    1. May I suggest “When a wealthy British aristocrat attempts to start over in Beverly Hills, he becomes an unlikely hero, but saving the day just wasn’t in the plans.”?

      Then we’re at the meat of your logline. It’s catchy, but it’s just not quite there.

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    2. I like it. The Maid is an integral part of the story though. Your thoughts?

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    3. I don’t have anything to go by except that she’s another character, which is why I felt okay leaving her out. You need to say how she is connected to the story without blowing out the recommended 25-30 word limit.

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    4. Logliner

      I think I like this idea a lot. Of course what I have in my head may be quite different than what you have. So a few questions.

      Why is he starting over? He’s moved to Beverly Hills so I assume his fortune is intact.

      Can we nail down the Trusty Maid? Would we like to… as in romantic connection (aka a French maid)? Or is she a family heirloom (crusty and trusty)?

      What kind of Hero? Super hero (crime)? Benefactor type hero (money)? Relationship type hero (Dr. Laura)? Hero to whom? Sounds almost like you could change it to Santa and a trusty elf and have yourself a cute little Christmas movie.

      As you can see a little tightening might be beneficial. Still I like it.

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    5. May have to rethink that one without giving it all away. Thank you though, food for thought!

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    6. Starting over after his son dies in a tragic accident, his wife cannot deal with the loss and takes her own life just days later.
      His fortune is very intact.
      The trusty maid is a traditional english maid , in uniform, however she has a wild streak. She is his caretaker and friend and confidant.
      Hero to whatever situation he is thrown into on a weekly basis.

      This is a weekly dramedy.
      Thank you for your questions.

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    7. Logliner

      Don’t know why people are always so worried about ‘giving it away’. If I gave you the logline for Star Wars or Jaws or Texas Chainsaw Massacre doesn’t mean you could come up with the characters or much else. There’s an interesting contest that gives out a logline and just wants the first fifteen pages. So they have hundreds of people trying to write the movie. The top few get to go to the next level and finish the script or something like that. But can you image any of the scripts being even close to looking like each other? I wish they published the finalists’ first fifteen… maybe they do, but I’m not aware of it.
      Santa and an elf ‘retiring’ to Beverly Hills… hmm, wonder if he has any of that old magic left. I hear there is always a market for Christmas movies. :C)

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    8. Logline for Sixth Sense…

      ‘A young boy who says he can see dead people is helped by a child psychologist who was dead the whole time.’

      Actually, I see your point. Even if they had used that as part of the synopsis, I’d still not have seen that movie.

      Logline for The Others…

      ‘An overprotective mother overacts outrageously as she fusses over her family who are dead the whole time.’

      Unfortunately, I saw that movie.

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