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carllordLogliner
Posted: December 24, 20122012-12-24T01:37:07+10:00 2012-12-24T01:37:07+10:00In: Public

When a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction and time lost with his now deceased father, emotions and fears become his fiercest rival, putting the national championship in jeopardy.

One Unforgettable Season

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    2 Reviews

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    1. sharkeatingman
      2012-12-24T04:26:39+10:00Added an answer on December 24, 2012 at 4:26 am

      It IS better. I don’t think even a mention of the father is nec. When you find out you’ve been abducted, there’s A LOT of things you missed out on, including his father. I don’t see the need for it in the logline, as it is ancillary to the plot, not the plot itself, I don’t believe. You’ll need something “ironic”, thereby making the discovery of the letter and included information puts his championship in jeopardy. Perhaps his team’s coach is his mother’s husband (whom he grew up thinking was his real Dad), now he’s torn between winning for his team and himself, or not winning because he now hates that guy. Something like that; it’s called “internal conflict”, and this is the element that drives most, if not all, movies.

      (Hey- if this were easy, we wouldn’t NEED this site!)

      Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge.

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    2. cynosurer Logliner
      2012-12-24T01:57:25+10:00Added an answer on December 24, 2012 at 1:57 am

      Much, much better! There’s a little clunkiness with “and time lost with his now deceased father’ but that’s going to be a hard concept to ‘clean’ up. If I think of anything I’ll let you know. But, still a winner as is. Good work.

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