EDIT: After her farm goes into foreclosure, a naive cowgirl falls in love with a misogynistic cowboy, only to find out that they both compete against each other for $100,000 at a rodeo event.
savinh0Samurai
EDIT: After her farm goes into foreclosure, a naive cowgirl falls in love with a misogynistic cowboy, only to find out that they both compete against each other for $100,000 at a rodeo event.
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Btw you have two inciting incidents. I would get rid of one.
“Desperate to save her family farm, a dedicated cowgirl must win top prize at the state rodeo, but when she discovers her true love is also competing she must chose between love and family.”
Agreed, sweet as a poetry contest could be, it simply doesn’t stack up to logic. Poetry could be a hobby of hers something she does on the side, but then it shouldn’t be mentioned in the logline.
I like the poetry angle, too, if it involved a cowboy poetry contest — that would be more authentic to the setting.
But it’s a stretch to believe that ?any poetry contest, whether cowboy or slam, ?in Montana or anywhere else, would have a grand prize greater than 4 figures, let alone a 6 figure prize. ?Poetry just doesn’t pay much anywhere.
I actually liked the poetry angle.
In the latest draft of the logline you still have a logic flaw that nullifies the dramatic premise – she falls for a misogynist in a romance movie.
If she falls for a misogynist, then we the audience know she’ll realize it at some point – early/mid act 2 or late in act2. Which means the question of whether she’ll choose the love or the money is answered in the audience’s mind before it’s answered on screen – we know she’ll choose the prize money. This means the audience/reader are way ahead of the story. Best choose a different description for the guy, and give her a tough choice to make; money or love.
savinh0:
I like the idea of setting it Montana — any place f-a-r removed from the fleshpots of modern life and what passes for Hollyweird’s idea of a faux-idyllic rural setting.
But who is?the target audience for this movie? ?If the protagonist is ?female, then the movie needs to appeal to women, right? ?But I fear that women will be turned away by rather than attracted to and identifying with the female protagonist. ? What woman would want to see (another movie) about a woman who is too stupid to manage her own affairs and gullible enough to fall for a misogynist man?
And if the protagonist is male, ?given that the genre is romance, the target audience will still be women. ?So even if she’s a supporting character, the same concern applies.
Just saying.
And what is the story behind the story that you really want to tell? ?Is there a particular reason you want to tell a romantic story set in Montana (as opposed to say, Wyoming, Idaho or Colorado) ?
I rewrote it. I think misogynistic could be a flaw/treat for the guy to act like an arrogant, proud, asshole towards woman. So he wants to win the rodeo event by all means necessary. Especially against a woman. But then he falls for her, too, and realizes that woman can be “good” as well.
And so he has to make a decision what’s more important to him. Maybe he is broke as well.
She could be naive in terms of business and life, that’s why she lost her farm (will lose it).
After her farm goes into foreclosure, a naive cowgirl falls in love with a misogynistic cowboy, only to find out that they both compete against each other for $100,000 at a rodeo event.
There are too many details in this logline that lack a cause and effect relationship.
Her “…cowgirl…” background is her a strength with which she will win the rodeo, but what is her flaw? Naive? Innocent? Arrogant? Over confident?
Why Montana? Is that critical to the plot? If not, cut that description. There are plenty of US states that hold large rodeo events.
Why a misogynist? Assuming that a woman in modern day would fall for someone who, by definition, hates her for being a woman, how does this tie into the plot of her getting money?
Why is the guy a “…college-dropout…”? How does this contribute or present a hurdle for the MC?
Specifying 100K as the prize is enough, no need to add the extra description of “…the biggest rodeo event…” – that’s repetition.
In its simplest form, this concept is about a poor woman who needs money. But what spurs her on to need money now? What is the inciting incident?