Penpusher
Posted: 2015-09-30T11:43:01+10:00 In:

when a dog savagely bites the hand of a colleague of a young vet; she must reattach it in order to save his life.

when a dog savagely bites the hand of a colleague of a young vet; she must reattach it in order to save his life.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Hello Wheelsonfire,

      Try this (22 words):
      “When a dog savagely bites the hand of a?colleague,?a young vet must reattach it in order to save his life.”

      I agree with FFF. This seems very little to sustain a 90 minutes action/comedy movie. Hand bites are hardly ever lethal, and the tone suggests more a drama than a comedy…

      I assume that many funny things happen, the hand bite issue being mostly the inciting incident or the backdrop of the story. ?IMO, this is what is missing in your logline. It tells not enough about your story.

      Best.

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    2. Mentor

      Hello, who is the main character? a doctor? a mother? a soldier? a vet? collegue in what job?
      is this for a short movie or a feature lenght? If it’s for a feature lenght I think you should include more details about who is the opponent, what prevents the main character from accomplishing his goal.

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    3. Penpusher

      Hi Wheels on Fire ,
      Great logline .. Though it could also be written as “When a savage dog bites the hand of her colleague, leaving him critically injured, a young vet must overcome her crippling fear of blood in order to save his life.

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    4. Penpusher

      Hiya,

      I like this logline and the sense of urgency it creates with the stakes that are involved.

      The when needs a capital letter, and perhaps a little restructuring? ‘bites the hand of a young vets colleague’.

      Can the young vet be described as anything else? Pretty? Shy?

      ?

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