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AlexpsmithPenpusher
Posted: June 16, 20152015-06-16T08:49:58+10:00 2015-06-16T08:49:58+10:00In: Public

When a doomed hippy benefactor turns up dead, a vengeful rapper will hunt down his friends killers in a quest for freedom, fortune and fame.

The Big Tick

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    1. 2015-06-20T13:37:19+10:00Added an answer on June 20, 2015 at 1:37 pm

      The “Doomed” may not be needed as it doesn’t add to the hippy character. Everyone knows what a hippy is, but a “doomed hippy” makes the vision less clear. How does solving the mystery around his friends death bring him freedom, fortune and fame? What is at stake? Not getting something isn’t really “Stakes”.

      Risking his life is stakes. He is vengeful, that tends to be an emotion that relates more to self destruction to obtain revenge. Not gaining fame and fortune.

      Needs some clarification around the story.

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