when a ghost appears to a lonely soldier suddenly just to advice him to leave his place in order to find love and suceed in it after having failed his first one.
allal El AlaouiLogliner
when a ghost appears to a lonely soldier suddenly just to advice him to leave his place in order to find love and suceed in it after having failed his first one.
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Can we use capital letters sometimes?
One more thing, There doesn’t seem to be any reason for the Ghost, the ghost is just doing something a best friend or a family member could do. You should not have have a ghost in your story if it’s just going to do something pedestrian like give love advice.
If you really want to hook the reader. If you really want a good reason to have a ghost in the story. You should make the ghost the lead character dead wife. That would be a terrific hook.?
The Ghost of his dead wife sees how lonely he is, she comes to him and begins helping find a new wife. That would make an interesting story.
As Richiev said. ?The logline ?is half complete. ?It sets up a situation (a man has failed at love) and an inciting incident (a ghost appears and tells him to do something).
Now it needs to be completed by a brief statement as to what exactly the inciting incident incites him to do. ?What does”leave his place” mean? ? How does that translate into a specific objective goal? ?And who or what opposes him?
If you haven’t already done so, please study the guidelines under the “Training” option at the top of the web page for how to build an industry acceptable logline.
You are missing the action.
You tell us a ghost appears to the soldier but don’t tell us what the character does about it. You are missing the second half of a complete logline.