When a gifted nostalgia caseworker disappears, a Man and Woman use their third-mind to relate clues sifted via ghost impressions rising from the dust around them.
SouthWestSusieLogliner
When a gifted nostalgia caseworker disappears, a Man and Woman use their third-mind to relate clues sifted via ghost impressions rising from the dust around them.
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SouthWestSusie,
I neglected to say that I think using Burrough’s “third mind” as a narrative device would be a neat trick to pull off in the script proper. ?Particularly since Burroughs got the idea from how ?a causal narrative is constructed in movies. ?But, alas, I fear it’s too obscure a reference for most people to get in a logline. ?Transport ?the “third mind” technique on the rails of a strong story line in the script and I think you would have the makings of an interesting movie.
Best wishes.
Isolate the central character and his or her need. What is his or her?motivation to achieving this?
What Richiev said.
“Nostalgia caseworker” — what is that? ?”Ghost impressions” — say what? ?And very few logline readers are going to pick up on “third mind to relate clues” ?as a reference to William Burroughs. ?And if I’m wrong in connecting the dots to Burroughs, then that is additional proof that the logline misleads and mystifies instead of informs.
A lot of terms in this logline; nostalgia caseworker, third-mind, ghost impressions,?as a result of having three unusual terms, the logline can be a bit hard to read.
But let’s set that aside
The best way to improve this logline would be to add some stakes. Why is it so important to find the nostalgia caseworker? More important, why is it important to the lead characters? What will they gain if they discover the lost person, what will they lose if they don’t?
In other words, you are telling us, what the lead characters are doing, but you are not telling us why they are doing it. In a logline the ‘why‘ will often be what hooks the readers.
Hope that helped.