When a grieving widow learns her husband took a bullet intended for her, she must survive long enough to discover who wants her dead.
WayfinderPenpusher
When a grieving widow learns her husband took a bullet intended for her, she must survive long enough to discover who wants her dead.
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Just curious, but how does she discover the bullet was meant for her, but not discover who wants her dead?
It would seem she would know why someone would want her dead, it isn?t like it happens everyday, so even if her husband took the bullet she?d probably have a good idea who did it.
You could perhaps fix this by establishing a reason why the husband may have also been targeted. Maybe he has a past that she assumes has comeback to haunt him, but in actuality it is her past that is coming to haunt her. Anyways, it just needs something to clarify how it is such a mystery that she didn?t know and wouldn?t know who would want them dead.
Of course you can have her explore obvious answers, but then your logline would need to reflect that she was the intended target ?When her husband is killed in an attempted gang-hit on her life, a by-the-book senator decides to use her position to start a turf war to wipe out all the gangs at once?
That may not be where you are going, it just puts the assignation upfront.
After her husband takes a bullet intended for her, the grieving widow fights to discover who wanted her dead –and why.
(20 words)
That’s the nut of the premise as I see it.? But I’m puzzled by the phrase “survive long enough”.? What does that mean?? Is she old and infirm?? Is there a ticking clock in the form of a fatal disease she is afflicted with?? Are they still trying to kill her?? ?I would like a clarification on that point.
fwiw
Indicates to me that the antagonistic assassins in this story are inept right from the git go. They fail on the target and give up on the pursuit only to risk another try?
In Kill Bill, they left her hopelessly dead. The only reason to consider it done correctly.
You can easily fix this by adjusting the Protag from “grieving” to something more suited for a potential hero.
That would be a good place to start.
I believe I understand the setup now:
The lead character and her husband are mugged, during the event, the husband is killed (Stepping in front of a bullet) and after the mugging, the lead character discovers the mugger was actually an assassin but she doesn’t know who or why someone would want her dead.
In that case, (If I now understand the setup correct) I believe the motivation of the lead character should be that of revenge. If the man she loves is killed, just surviving isn’t a strong enough goal or action. She should be motivated to discover who killed her husband so she can either take them out or seek legal justice.
Agreed with Richiev. It took me some time to understand the premise as well (this is telling…) and it would seem that further explanations are needed for the logic to come through – best to make some significant changes to the concept so this isn’t the case.
The whole taking a bullet and grieving widow aspects are confusing the point. The event that starts her on her journey is the husband’s murder, therefore the logline should start with:
After her husband is murdered…
Then the action she takes is to hunt down the killer, so:
After her husband is murdered, a [good description MC] must hunt down the killer to save her own life.
As it stands now, the MC description is very generic and therefore I don’t know what kind of person she is or what ability she has to survive/catch/figure out who the killer is.