Silence of the Lambs meets Good Will Hunting
Paul ClarkeSamurai
When a highly driven female FBI agent arrests a charismatic con man with near psychic perception, he offers to help her catch a notorious and most wanted serial killer, before he can strike again.
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Comments so far have been on the harsh side. I like the logline and feels it tells me everything I need to know about the film . Silence of the Lambs sprang to mind when I read it but it has enough of a difference to be interesting.
I suppose there could be more of a conflict between the FBI agent and the psychic conman, or suggestion about how the relationship is difficult.
Or you could make the serial killer more relevant to the skills of the conman, so he becomes the perfect assist in this crime.
Could be a good premise for a thriller but doesn’t come across through the logline.
All the above comments are valid perhaps boil the logline down to the bare essential story elements of; hero, goal antagonist.
Then find a way to describe the killer and FBI agent as the best possible antagonist and hero combo (which means worst from the hero’s POV) i.e. highest chance of conflict with the hero.
Conflict = interest.
I like the concept. But whose story is it? We don’t really know enough about the FBI agent in order to care.
It feels like the con man is going to do all the hard work as he has the special skills.
I see a buddy movie where two unlikely partners have to team up. Perhaps you can emphasize the conflict that will arise between the two. Will the agent be conned?
Wereviking’s recommendations to trim are definitely on the mark.
Finally, does the MC have a flaw? I see ‘driven’ as a positive but perhaps this is at the cost of something else…
I think the logline needs to be a bit leaner (less adjectives) and slightly more precise. I don’t think we need the words DRIVEN, FEMALE, NEAR, OFFERS TO, AND MOST WANTED and possibly BEFORE HE CAN STRIKE AGAIN. I’d like to know specifically what his psychic power is, so I understand how it’ll affect the plot. Stripped back, I don’t know if the hook itself is strong or original enough though, as a psychic conman and a driven Clarice Starling-type hunting a serial killer aren’t particularly unique. The difficulties dealing with the con man and the specifics of his gift have some appeal if ramped up. I think you need to show your serial killer is not just another cliche too (and hope he’s not) by using the logline to show something interesting about him, even if it’s just his nickname (The Santa Claus Killer, et al). Just IMO.