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When a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.
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>>>he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.
Doesn’t that give away the ending?
>>>he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.
Doesn’t that give away the ending?
Finding more unlikely (therefore cheap) talent is the action he will take to overcome the obstacle. Giving away the ending is not my concern at this stage as I’m structuring the story now not trying to sell the idea to an audience just yet.
As a story what about the logline sounds week?
Also what plot elements would you say are missing from the logline?
Thanks for the help.
Finding more unlikely (therefore cheap) talent is the action he will take to overcome the obstacle. Giving away the ending is not my concern at this stage as I’m structuring the story now not trying to sell the idea to an audience just yet.
As a story what about the logline sounds week?
Also what plot elements would you say are missing from the logline?
Thanks for the help.
Hey guys would greatly appreciate some more feedback on this one please.
Thanks, Nir.
Hey guys would greatly appreciate some more feedback on this one please.
Thanks, Nir.
The stakes are not apparent; the guy is an accountant, not a TV producer, so I’m not concerned for his livelihood should the station fail. What’s the urgency to have the community TV station succeed?
If the objective is to save the TV station, why would he choose to seek the solution at a small town talent competition? As an accountant, he’s probably familiar with the idea of throwing money at a problem until it goes away – why isn’t THIS what he tries to save the station? Or even just volunteers who WANT to work in TV? It seems pretty far down the list of options for him to seek out small town talent show entrants.
“unlikely performance geniuses” is pretty clunky. Maybe just shorten it to “quirky performers” or “unorthodox performers”?
The stakes are not apparent; the guy is an accountant, not a TV producer, so I’m not concerned for his livelihood should the station fail. What’s the urgency to have the community TV station succeed?
If the objective is to save the TV station, why would he choose to seek the solution at a small town talent competition? As an accountant, he’s probably familiar with the idea of throwing money at a problem until it goes away – why isn’t THIS what he tries to save the station? Or even just volunteers who WANT to work in TV? It seems pretty far down the list of options for him to seek out small town talent show entrants.
“unlikely performance geniuses” is pretty clunky. Maybe just shorten it to “quirky performers” or “unorthodox performers”?
As nicholasandrewhalls said: the stakes, the urgency. What’s his skin in the game? He inherited the radio station; it cost him nothing in terms of time, effort or money to acquire it.
As nicholasandrewhalls said: the stakes, the urgency. What’s his skin in the game? He inherited the radio station; it cost him nothing in terms of time, effort or money to acquire it.
Thanks guys great feedback.
The accountant loses his job from the accountancy firm, his wife and house then his father is put in a retirement home suffering form dementia. But gets the MC to promise to keep the station running as it’s the only source of entertainment for many elderly and sick people.
The stakes are not only financial rather include losing a valuable community service for the aging population and long term illness sufferers.
I think (according to the comments above) the logline needs to shift its focus to the main action of saving the TV station rather than the specific mechanism by which this will be achieved.
Latest draft:
After failing to uphold his dying father?s wish to keep his community TV station broadcasting to its loyal elderly audience. A highly-strung former accountant on the verge of bankruptcy must stop the station from being converted into a home shopping broadcaster by the head of a major TV network.
Thanks guys great feedback.
The accountant loses his job from the accountancy firm, his wife and house then his father is put in a retirement home suffering form dementia. But gets the MC to promise to keep the station running as it’s the only source of entertainment for many elderly and sick people.
The stakes are not only financial rather include losing a valuable community service for the aging population and long term illness sufferers.
I think (according to the comments above) the logline needs to shift its focus to the main action of saving the TV station rather than the specific mechanism by which this will be achieved.
Latest draft:
After failing to uphold his dying father?s wish to keep his community TV station broadcasting to its loyal elderly audience. A highly-strung former accountant on the verge of bankruptcy must stop the station from being converted into a home shopping broadcaster by the head of a major TV network.
Sorry, I don’t have a rewrite. Just another qualm: the MC seems to be acting out of filial duty rather than personal passion. He may own the station financially — but it doesn’t come across (to me anyway) that he owns it emotionally. The objective goal seems to be a dream borrowed from someone else rather than HIS own dream, arising autonomously from his own needs and wants.
And a suggestion: it’s a family owned station and the rest of the family opposes him. They not only want to sell out — they need to sell out to escape financial ruin. (Family feuds being a plus factor for conflict and complication.)
fwiw.
Sorry, I don’t have a rewrite. Just another qualm: the MC seems to be acting out of filial duty rather than personal passion. He may own the station financially — but it doesn’t come across (to me anyway) that he owns it emotionally. The objective goal seems to be a dream borrowed from someone else rather than HIS own dream, arising autonomously from his own needs and wants.
And a suggestion: it’s a family owned station and the rest of the family opposes him. They not only want to sell out — they need to sell out to escape financial ruin. (Family feuds being a plus factor for conflict and complication.)
fwiw.
Just some thoughts …
7
When a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, an unlikely performance by geniuses at a small town talent competition deliver him the key to saving the station.
Just some thoughts …
7
When a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, an unlikely performance by geniuses at a small town talent competition deliver him the key to saving the station.
DPG I agree the MC seems driven by duty does feel a bit labored rather than apparent as a result of the premise.
Tried a version with an effort to save the community from a corporate financial exploit.
After the head of a major TV network threatens to convert his community TV station into a home shopping channel to exploit its elderly viewers, Simon (on the verge of bankruptcy) must fight the network to uphold his dying father?s wish to keep the station running and save its loyal audience from financial exploits.
DPG I agree the MC seems driven by duty does feel a bit labored rather than apparent as a result of the premise.
Tried a version with an effort to save the community from a corporate financial exploit.
After the head of a major TV network threatens to convert his community TV station into a home shopping channel to exploit its elderly viewers, Simon (on the verge of bankruptcy) must fight the network to uphold his dying father?s wish to keep the station running and save its loyal audience from financial exploits.
I dunno. I still don’t get the sense that he has skin in the game — or at least enough of it in terms of (again) emotional investment. By that I mean that a sense of filial duty may be a necessary factor in the MC’s motivation, but I wonder if it’s a sufficient factor.
Nor do I get a sense that the community is in desperate peril. (Emphasis on desperate.) Even if the local station is swallowed up by a big bad corporate colossus, there are plenty of other choices, aren’t there? In the age of cable TV and the Internet with scores of channels and hundreds of programs, how is it possible for a network colossus to “exploit elderly viewers”, hold them captive to its programming?
And isn’t the Internet becoming a viable (and cheaper) option for the streaming of local programming — who needs a broadcast station or license for local programming anymore? It seems to me that the Internet has become a boon, a godsend for small programming and niche markets. What’s to worry about here?
I dunno. I still don’t get the sense that he has skin in the game — or at least enough of it in terms of (again) emotional investment. By that I mean that a sense of filial duty may be a necessary factor in the MC’s motivation, but I wonder if it’s a sufficient factor.
Nor do I get a sense that the community is in desperate peril. (Emphasis on desperate.) Even if the local station is swallowed up by a big bad corporate colossus, there are plenty of other choices, aren’t there? In the age of cable TV and the Internet with scores of channels and hundreds of programs, how is it possible for a network colossus to “exploit elderly viewers”, hold them captive to its programming?
And isn’t the Internet becoming a viable (and cheaper) option for the streaming of local programming — who needs a broadcast station or license for local programming anymore? It seems to me that the Internet has become a boon, a godsend for small programming and niche markets. What’s to worry about here?
Yeah the idea doesn’t really have a story worthy problem and stakes don’t sound like they are necessarily motivating the MC rather justifying the premise.
This is an idea for the basic premise of a comedy web series not a film or TV show. The series is about 2 brothers that promised their dying father to maintain his legacy by keeping his failing TV station running but they have no budget or advertisers and end up using unskilled members of the general public. They produce content that can’t be aired on commercial channels they post it online end up becoming a huge online hit.
So the individual episodes for the web series will be a mix of episodes form the brother’s story to keep the station running and portions of the content they produce.
Not sure if we’re over working the idea but it would be good to have a solid concept for the premise. Will work on a different draft for the logline.
Thanks for the help.
Yeah the idea doesn’t really have a story worthy problem and stakes don’t sound like they are necessarily motivating the MC rather justifying the premise.
This is an idea for the basic premise of a comedy web series not a film or TV show. The series is about 2 brothers that promised their dying father to maintain his legacy by keeping his failing TV station running but they have no budget or advertisers and end up using unskilled members of the general public. They produce content that can’t be aired on commercial channels they post it online end up becoming a huge online hit.
So the individual episodes for the web series will be a mix of episodes form the brother’s story to keep the station running and portions of the content they produce.
Not sure if we’re over working the idea but it would be good to have a solid concept for the premise. Will work on a different draft for the logline.
Thanks for the help.
>> web series not a film
Oh.
Had I known that up front, my responses would had been different. I’ve come to the conclusion that the formula for composing a logline for a feature film doesn’t work well for pitching a series. A feature film is about one central dramatic problem that requires some kind of resolution; FADE OUT. Whereas a series is about a situation sufficiently fecund to produce any number of ongoing dramatic problems for any number of episodes.
Any thoughts on an effective formula for writing a logline for a series?
>> web series not a film
Oh.
Had I known that up front, my responses would had been different. I’ve come to the conclusion that the formula for composing a logline for a feature film doesn’t work well for pitching a series. A feature film is about one central dramatic problem that requires some kind of resolution; FADE OUT. Whereas a series is about a situation sufficiently fecund to produce any number of ongoing dramatic problems for any number of episodes.
Any thoughts on an effective formula for writing a logline for a series?
Sorry just released I hadn’t mentioned that till now…
Very true about the inherit differences between series and film mostly that a series focuses on characters and film on plot. However I have found that most producers prefer when I pitch a series with a logline that has the same clear understanding and comprehensive plot setup of a film.
This week I had a meeting with a producer who said he was to busy to read the pitch document and pilot episode for a series I developed with my writing partner. So he said “give me the verbal pitch” out came the logline and 30 minutes later he attached himself to the project and is now arranging a meeting with a broadcaster.
Point is a series logline needs to be as water tight as a film one with the only difference being that a series logline needs to pitch the pilot episode not the plot for an entire season. Once the basic premise that enables the MC to pursue a specific type of action on an ongoing basis is established it needs is a flaw or gimmick to help perpetuate the interest in the character.
Most successful pilots that I read regardless the genre appear to achieve this quite well.
Sorry just released I hadn’t mentioned that till now…
Very true about the inherit differences between series and film mostly that a series focuses on characters and film on plot. However I have found that most producers prefer when I pitch a series with a logline that has the same clear understanding and comprehensive plot setup of a film.
This week I had a meeting with a producer who said he was to busy to read the pitch document and pilot episode for a series I developed with my writing partner. So he said “give me the verbal pitch” out came the logline and 30 minutes later he attached himself to the project and is now arranging a meeting with a broadcaster.
Point is a series logline needs to be as water tight as a film one with the only difference being that a series logline needs to pitch the pilot episode not the plot for an entire season. Once the basic premise that enables the MC to pursue a specific type of action on an ongoing basis is established it needs is a flaw or gimmick to help perpetuate the interest in the character.
Most successful pilots that I read regardless the genre appear to achieve this quite well.
>>>a series logline needs to be as water tight as a film one with the only difference being that a series logline needs to pitch the pilot episode not the plot for an entire season…
I’m binge-watching pilot seasons of a number of successful series in the US market (The Wire, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, House of Cards, Deadwood, The West Wing, Dexter, True Blood, Monk, Nip/Tuck, Mad Men, etc.) and that seems to be a sin qua non. The pilot episode has to be a grabber, have a really strong hook in terms of both plot and character.
>>a flaw or gimmick to help perpetuate the interest in the character.
Okay, but Wired, Deadwood and West Wing, for example, seem to be more ensemble, situation series. There is a large cast of interesting (and flawed) characters with 2-3 concurrent story threads in each episode.
Research continues. It’s a tough job. 😉
>>>a series logline needs to be as water tight as a film one with the only difference being that a series logline needs to pitch the pilot episode not the plot for an entire season…
I’m binge-watching pilot seasons of a number of successful series in the US market (The Wire, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, House of Cards, Deadwood, The West Wing, Dexter, True Blood, Monk, Nip/Tuck, Mad Men, etc.) and that seems to be a sin qua non. The pilot episode has to be a grabber, have a really strong hook in terms of both plot and character.
>>a flaw or gimmick to help perpetuate the interest in the character.
Okay, but Wired, Deadwood and West Wing, for example, seem to be more ensemble, situation series. There is a large cast of interesting (and flawed) characters with 2-3 concurrent story threads in each episode.
Research continues. It’s a tough job. 😉
A high strung accountant struggles to fulfill her father’s dying wish of making? a success out of ?the failing community TV station he started,? but the?undiscovered? superstar?she stumbles on?at the local talent show who’ll boost the ratings ?is?an impossible diva?who refuses to do TV