Penpusher
Posted: 2015-06-25T14:42:11+10:00 In:

When a lone woman driving on an open country road and carrying cocaine that must reach its destination or else is menaced by a deranged truck driver, she must learn how to survive the day.

Road of Terror

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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Must learn, does work because it hints at a life long lesson. If she fails to deliver she’lll be menaced? Doesn’t work as it is a little ambiguous. Clear the story up by rewording. You can drop some words as well, a lone woman can become a woman.

      Hit the beats,

      On an isolated country road a woman delivering a car load of cocaine must survive a deranged trucker who is as deadly as failing to deliver the cocaine.

      Or something like that. You know your story. Just hit the action beat and avoid description that doesn’t involve the action.

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    2. Mentor

      Hello, this part need clarification (it’s what the plot is about): “learn how to survive the day”.
      The first part is too wordy, and shoud mention a clear inciting event instead of a long description of the situation.

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    3. Singularity

      So she’s a drug mule. Why would I want to sympathize with someone involved in the illicit drug trade? Care whether or not she succeeds, survives?

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    4. Logliner

      When a lone woman driving on an open country road and carrying cocaine that must reach its destination is menaced by a deranged truck driver, she learns to survive the day, the hard way.

      This is my suggestion.

      • 0