Logliner
Posted: 2017-01-09T14:03:51+10:00 In:

When a marketing agent’s marriage proposal is curiously rejected by his girlfriend, he secretly hires a starving journalist to investigate.

I’ve also considered exchanging the word “curiously” for “unexpectedly.”

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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      “When his marriage proposal is rejected, a marketing agent creates a computer program that will correlate relationship data to perfectly pick his ideal mate, not realizing what women really want is to just be loved.”

       

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      When the bride says “I don’t” at the altar, the devastated and humiliated bridegroom hires a private detective to find out why. (22 words)

      Notes:
      His occupation may be important to the script as a whole, but for the purpose of the logline, it seems irrelevant.

      It’s seems to me that the inciting incident needs needs more “emotional juice” — more psychological and social pain — to supercharge the resulting action, his hiring someone to find out why she dumped him. ?So I suggest she should change her mind in the worst possible way. ?And that could be worse for him than for her to say “I don’t” to leave him at the altar in front of god, and all the witnesses, family and friends and relatives who have traveled thousands of miles ?to celebrate the wedding at an exotic location with no expense spared.

      Go big and bad with the inciting incident and I think you’ve got a winning concept, a marketable story.

      fwiw

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