‘When a mentally ill patient refuses to leave his home, a probationary constable discovers her training could never prepare her for the deadly lesson she?s about to face.’
mbgPenpusher
‘When a mentally ill patient refuses to leave his home, a probationary constable discovers her training could never prepare her for the deadly lesson she?s about to face.’
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U{DATED VERSION:?’When a probationary constable encounters a mentally ill patient refusing to leave his home, she must negotiate with him to avoid a fatal ending.’
Your updated version is better.
“?When a mentally ill patient refuses to leave his home, a probationary constable discovers her training could never prepare her for the deadly lesson she?s about to face.?”
“When a probationary constable encounters a mentally ill patient refusing to leave his home, she must negotiate with him to avoid a fatal ending.?”
In both versions, the post seems to only describe a single scene. Someone trying to talk someone out their home. (Though it does spring to mind the film “Man on a Ledge”, where they take a concept that seemingly would be a single scene and stretch it into a whole film, and the man remains on the ledge for quite some time).
For the whole film, the logline needs to be composed of these elements:
Main Character:
(Possibly)Inciting incident:
Goal formed because of inciting incident:
Action taken to achieve goal:
Apply those to your story and then a logline will pretty much form itself. But I can’t really suggest anything because I don’t what the plot is.
Your first log line is too vague on the action. Your updated log line is better. ?The reason why, because your action is clearer on how the main ?character will try to deal with the event
As Dkpough1 said.
It’s still not clear as to what the jeopardy is, what is at stake. ?What exactly is the “fatal ending” she is trying to prevent? ?A suicide, a homicide?