Timebomb
Clint CurePenpusher
When a music teacher discovers his new girlfriend is a serial killer, he must decide whether to turn her in or continue having amazing sex.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
This logline made me laugh. I think you need to raise the stakes a bit. Some might think that amazing sex isn’t a valid reason for not turning in a dangerous serial killer. But, of course, others would. LOL
Thanks Lee but this really is the premise for this story. To change that would be to change it into something else. Which you allude to in your comment anyway. Maybe I need to change the setup?
This logline does it for me. I also like the tittle, but could have had a bit more irony. Make the title: “Sexbomb” … and maybe I can ‘turn you off’ while you (still)’ turn me on’!!
She looks to be a real Catch 22 for him…
http://songteksten.net/lyric/466/11157/tom-jones/sex-bomb.html
The inciting incident description is weak “…discovers his new girlfriend is a serial killer..” why not:
After a music teacher see his new girlfriend kill a man before breakfast?
Other wise how else does he discover she is a killer? Not through exposition I trust, as an inciting incident needs to be seen on screen not just talked about in exposition filled dialogue.
It can still be funny think of some of the murders in Little Shop Of Horrors for example.
Secondly deciding to do something is not acting to do it and a good goal needs to be achieved through action. You have basically described the first half of act one before the MC understands what his goal is and decides to achieve it.
What is the MC’s goal?
Hope this helps.
Hello,
I think that taking a decision can’t generate enough scenes to write a solid movie. You should focus about what happens in the movie, what is the plot, what actual problems are caused by the fact that his girlfriend is a serial killer. The logline should be able to give us a picture of the whole movie (except for a surprise ending).
What about:
“when a music teacher discovers his new girlfriend is a serial killer, he must cover her crimes if he wants to continue having sex with her”
The premise is a bit silly, with a serious lack of conscience.
Choices Lets have sex and kill people isn’t going to get you a lot of interest or support.
It is lean but not interesting enough to warrant a cinematic movie.
Maybe rethink the M C’s worth and plot choices to heighten the viewers experience.
I don’t know about ‘Sexbomb’ but it does need a better title.
If he sees her kill someone in the Act 1 then there will be no suspense in the rest of the film as the fun could be in dropping obvious hints that the audience can see and the character ignores right up to a point where they are pulling their hair out frustrated by his denial. I’ll have a think about how to word his goal which is to try and stop her which, of course, he would do at the last possible minute and then way, way too late.
The premise is absurd. That’s the point. ‘Let’s have sex and kill people’ is almost a genre to itself; Badlands, Bonnie and Clyde, Natural Born Killers.
If his goal is to stop her then then the event that incites this should be him confirming beyond a doubt that she is a killer. Which makes him whitening her kill the most powerful version of this event.
The suspense in the rest of the story can come from his actions and the stakes involved with getting caught by the police before he manages to stop her or getting killed himself.
If you want to play on dramatic irony best to hide details from the other characters in the story not the main character as the audience will need to follow him. Seeing as you position the MC as the main dramatic point of view character in the story.
I don’t think the premise is unconscionable. In law enforcement, it’s well known that some women are attracted to men who they know to be serial killers, violent criminals. I just finished reading a book on the serial killer Ted Bundy who confessed to killing 30 women. At his trial, the front was filled every day with “groupies”, young women attracted to him because of — not in spite of — his pathology.
Go figure.
In this case, the serial killer is a woman. — that’s rare in real life, rarer is reel life. Almost all serial killers are men — of women, btw. The very few female serial killers are killers of men, their murderous compulsion arising from a history of physical and sexual abuse at the hands of men. So in this premise the serial killer’s lover would come to have more to worry about than his conscience. He should also have to worry about his own life, that he’ll be her next victim.
However, “music” doesn’t contribute anything to suggesting or enhancing his internal conflict. But something like “milquetoast” would because it suggests he’s lucked into a sensual relationship he never had the macho seek out for himself. So:
“When a milquetoast teacher discovers his new girlfriend is a serial killer, he must decide whether to turn her in or continue to enjoy amazing sex.”
Now my usual m.o.would be to pounce on “decide” because it’s not really an objective goal. Protagonists are not supposed to decide. They are supposed to do. But in this case, the conceit of the story does not entail an end of Act 1 call to action. It entails the guy getting involved in a relationship. The hook of the story is that after he’s hooked on the sex, he discovers she’s a serial killer. Which raises the dramatic question: does he give up the greatest sex of his life to the police?
Now the fun really begins, watching the MC agonize over his, uh, horny dilemma. This could be a dark romcom story. Even if it’s played straight, not for laughs, but for murderous suspense, at its core it’s a romance, a love/lust story.
As love stories go the best have a force of opposition to the love trying to keep them apart. Other wise the “horny” dilemma aside it is a simple case of they love each other and that is it without conflict it becomes a boring account of two people getting together.
Once he decides what he wants to do i.e stay with the girl he needs to fight the force of opposition to the love in this case the law comes in handy. He could fight the police to protect their relationship as she keeps killing.
But all this needs to be clear from the logline not just the nature of his initial decision and their relationship.
This has the making of a good black comedy but I strongly recommend adding in a point of conflict not just dilemma.
A dilemma, ipso facto, entails conflict. The best conflicts create dilemmas.
Dilemma does not necessarily equal action.
No action no story, what is the action in this story? What will the MC actually do?