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JChimeraPenpusher
Posted: December 14, 20172017-12-14T11:25:08+10:00 2017-12-14T11:25:08+10:00In: Fantasy

When a new drug augmenting reality hits the market, a young lawyer stifled by his career takes the drug and stumbles upon a door to a different plane of existence, where he encounters a young woman who will stop at nothing to defend her village against the specter of a demon.

When a new drug augmenting reality hits the market, a young lawyer stifled by his career takes the drug and stumbles upon a door to a different plane of existence, where he encounters a young woman who will stop at nothing to defend her village against the specter of a demon.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. variable Uberwriter
      2017-12-29T01:57:17+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2017 at 1:57 am

      I agree with dPG here in…
      “His personal stake in the action may be that joining the fight is his only way of getting back home”
      although that should only be his initial take on the situation
      then later on-as the story develops into more urgency-the plot must become personal to him, (that is) he must help the girl because he hasaid now fallen for her inspired by her leadership
      all the while the girl thinks he is helping her for the selfish reasons of returning back
      But he proves his love for her by (then) not returning when the opportunity presents itself
      (The portal opens up or something)
      the entire buildup of “how important it is for him to return” can be used entirely in proving his love “when he decides not to go”
      THAT! finally convinced the girl.

      Also Richiev’s take is cool..

      maybe her family was abducted too..
      ..so that you can give her a tragic history providing her with enough vengeance to act as the village leader

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-12-17T10:50:45+10:00Added an answer on December 17, 2017 at 10:50 am

      >>> His personal stake in the action may be that joining the fight is his only way of getting back home.

      Why would he want to get back home?? To a world where he’s a stifled nobody, doing meaningless work for over privileged clients engaging in dubious business practices?

      In this dimension he gets to play to be a hero.? He gets to fight for a meaningful cause.

      The stakes between the two options seem hardly equivalent.? So I don’t see what his dramatic dilemma is.

      fwiw

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2017-12-14T13:28:23+10:00Added an answer on December 14, 2017 at 1:28 pm

      “When he is mistaken for a demon, a stifled lawyer who has taken a drug that augments reality must convince the noble young village woman and her village that he is their friend.”

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2017-12-14T13:10:20+10:00Added an answer on December 14, 2017 at 1:10 pm

      Agree with CraigDGriffiths that the logline needs to cut to the chase, get to what the plot is about.

      His version also assays to correct another problem.? ?That is, “he encounters a young woman who will stop at nothing to defend her village against the specter of a demon” seems to pass the baton of the action? to the young woman.

      Who owns the story, the guy or the gal?

      And what dog does he have in the fight?? What the personal hook, the personal stakes for him that he should get involved?? How does it become his fight also where he has as much on the line as she does?

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    5. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-12-14T12:26:28+10:00Added an answer on December 14, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      How he gets there isn?t that important as it isn?t involved in the action.

      After entering an alternate reality a stifled lawyer finds inner strength and courage he always desired by helping a young woman defend her world from a demon.

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