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Posted: July 8, 20162016-07-08T06:31:37+10:00 2016-07-08T06:31:37+10:00In: Thriller

When a nice holiday cruise turns bloody, a detective and failed parent must take down the threat and regain his self-worth.

When a nice holiday cruise turns bloody, a detective and failed parent must take down the threat and regain his self-worth.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2016-07-08T06:44:58+10:00Added an answer on July 8, 2016 at 6:44 am

      “When a nice holiday cruise turns bloody, a detective and failed parent must take down the threat and regain his self-worth.”

      Too vague. How does it turn bloody?
      “Failed parent”. What does this mean? Neglectful? They let their child die?
      “regain his self-worth” I’m assuming your referring to the detective with this, but since you have two subjects in this sentence it means you need to specify one of them.
      But, regardless, that is not a plot. What do they do to take down the threat? Do they have to do detective work? Question witnesses?

      -What is the goal? And who is the main character? Is it the both of them? (is it a buddy film?)
      -What action do they do to achieve this goal?

      Example:?When a bullet-ridden corpse is found on a cruise, a detective must work with a depressed ex-cop to find the killer before the cruise returns to land.(~27 words)

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    2. Marcello Lanfranchi Logliner
      2016-07-08T09:07:06+10:00Added an answer on July 8, 2016 at 9:07 am

      Are the detective and failed parent the same person? I assume so, because you’d have phrased it as *a* failed parent if they’re two different people. I’d also specify whether it’s a police detective, PI, federal investigator, or some other kind of detective.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2016-07-08T09:47:55+10:00Added an answer on July 8, 2016 at 9:47 am

      You should make the goal more immediate. Someone he loves is in danger and he must save them.

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    4. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-07-09T14:14:52+10:00Added an answer on July 9, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      There does need to be a driving factor, a goal. Getting back your self worth is an outcome not really a goal.

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