Penpusher
Posted: 2013-06-28T13:08:10+10:00 In:

When a obscene female human guinea pig volunteers to test a new pharmacutical, she discovers the company is killing the subjects, now sympathetic she has 1000 hours to find a cure before the drug kills them all dead.

Pharmacutical Kill

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    2 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      I am not sure about the adjective you have used i.e. obscene. Do you mean uncouth to an extreme extent? I am also not sure what you mean by ‘sympathetic’. Whatever adjective you use, it should link to her flaw and the completion of her inner journey. If pharmacutical is not an accidental misspelling and it has to do with a deadly nail polish then the tautology in the last phrase ‘kills them all dead’ adds a suitable touch of absurd humour.

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    2. a couple of comments.

      “Obscene female human guinea pig”. Is this… a woman, who instead of having a real job earns money by being a “human guinea pig”. If so, make it clearer. (BTW, I’d watch this. Interesting premise. She’s in her 50s, nicotine addict, former prostitute but doesn’t have the looks for it, former drug dealer, likes to be on the right side of the law”. Like Meth Mouth Martha from Breaking Bad “Gone Good”.) A horrible, evil rotten character… with a heart of gold who we all like for some reason. Like Nurse Jackie. (So don’t forget your Save The Cat moment. Empathy. Think Ellen Burstyn(?) The Mom from Requiem for a Dream and her heartless doctor and the pills. How scared she looks when the fridge starts chasing her. How much you love her, but know that she’s doomed.).

      1,000 hours gives you a “ticking clock”. Which is good. But… careful that the audience isn’t just “going through the motions”. What’s this, 42 days or something? If I had 42 days to save my own life, I’d wake up, have a cup of coffee, watch Judge Judy, Eat some leftovers, make some phone calls. etc. (You just know that everyone who reads this will be mentally dividing it by 24 and yawning).

      1,000 MINUTES to live. Or ONE HUNDRED minutes to live. HOO BABY! I’m going to be STEALING CARS and SPRINTING PLACES and GRABBING PEOPLE BY THE LAPELS SCREAMING “YOU’VE GOT TO HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (CF, what’s that movie “Crank” with Jason Statham in it?)

      Finally, “Obscene”. Try “foul-mouthed”.

      “When a foul-mouthed ex-junkie ex-whore professional human drug guinea pig….”.

      Overall, your concept is probably OK, work on that logline.
      Make it a SICK, Gen-X Chuck Palahniuk Fight Club requiem for a dream classic that makes people want to throw up…. HOO BABY! You can have my $19.50 RIGHT NOW!!!!

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