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KnightriderMentor
Posted: February 22, 20152015-02-22T06:37:27+10:00 2015-02-22T06:37:27+10:00In: Public

When a terminally ill scientist uploads his consciousness to a virtual world he believes he has cheated death, but when AI designed to care for him begins digitising others, he’ll risk everything he’s created, including his own virtual existence, to shut it down.

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When a terminally ill scientist uploads his consciousness to a virtual world he believes he has cheated death, but when AI designed to care for him begins digitising others, he’ll risk everything he’s created, including his own virtual existence, to shut it down.

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    12 Reviews

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    1. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-02-23T19:21:45+10:00Added an answer on February 23, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      I take it the “virtual world” and the “AI” are the same things. If they are use the same name for them, makes it read easier.

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    2. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-02-23T19:21:45+10:00Added an answer on February 23, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      I take it the “virtual world” and the “AI” are the same things. If they are use the same name for them, makes it read easier.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-02-23T11:01:42+10:00Added an answer on February 23, 2015 at 11:01 am

      There are too many elements unrelated to the plot at hand present in the logline for it to be effective.

      Who is the story about?

      What exactly does he or she want?

      How will he or she achieve it?

      These questions are not being answered in the current draft of the log line and are crucial for a logline.

      That aside, the use of criminals in dangerous environments as desperadoes willing to risk their life in exchange for freedom is a trope common to many B grade scifi and horror movies. As such what makes these criminals inner journey unique what sets these characters apart from Arnie in Running Man or Gerard Butler in Gamer?

      Hope this helps.

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-02-23T11:01:42+10:00Added an answer on February 23, 2015 at 11:01 am

      There are too many elements unrelated to the plot at hand present in the logline for it to be effective.

      Who is the story about?

      What exactly does he or she want?

      How will he or she achieve it?

      These questions are not being answered in the current draft of the log line and are crucial for a logline.

      That aside, the use of criminals in dangerous environments as desperadoes willing to risk their life in exchange for freedom is a trope common to many B grade scifi and horror movies. As such what makes these criminals inner journey unique what sets these characters apart from Arnie in Running Man or Gerard Butler in Gamer?

      Hope this helps.

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    5. Knightrider Mentor
      2015-02-22T15:25:50+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      Thanks for the feedback. The criminal angle was because once uploaded you can’t comeback, but they don’t know that so they think they’ll be given freedom upon success of their mission.

      I’ll have a play with the logline and see if can get something a bit more focused.

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    6. Knightrider Mentor
      2015-02-22T15:25:50+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      Thanks for the feedback. The criminal angle was because once uploaded you can’t comeback, but they don’t know that so they think they’ll be given freedom upon success of their mission.

      I’ll have a play with the logline and see if can get something a bit more focused.

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    7. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-02-22T12:42:50+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      Based on the conversation we can agree the logline isn’t doing the story justice. There is so much story you will have to find the thread that holds it together and work around that.

      Plus why would the army send in criminals? That seems disconnected. Explain it in the story. If you just have them as a group, it gives you more room for story.

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    8. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-02-22T12:42:50+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      Based on the conversation we can agree the logline isn’t doing the story justice. There is so much story you will have to find the thread that holds it together and work around that.

      Plus why would the army send in criminals? That seems disconnected. Explain it in the story. If you just have them as a group, it gives you more room for story.

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    9. Knightrider Mentor
      2015-02-22T11:52:21+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 11:52 am

      Yep, they have been converted into digital life forms. I want the AI to have a mixed up view on protecting humanity that it believes the only way to ensure our survival as as pieces is to remove the biological element.

      Yep the vaporisation is converting, but they won’t (thus the audience won’t) know what has really happened to the plane until they enter the virtual environment. Plus I deliberately used the term “Many” of passengers as there will be those who are unwilling to accept their new way of life and he (The AI) plans to delete those people once he has access to the systems he needs.

      In terms of how, I was thinking nanotechnology, something that could both attach itself to individual neurons and break down cells / convert atoms into resources it needs, which could be its end goal to grow its own system which it can’t do if it is competing with humanity for the planet’s resources.

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    10. Knightrider Mentor
      2015-02-22T11:52:21+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 11:52 am

      Yep, they have been converted into digital life forms. I want the AI to have a mixed up view on protecting humanity that it believes the only way to ensure our survival as as pieces is to remove the biological element.

      Yep the vaporisation is converting, but they won’t (thus the audience won’t) know what has really happened to the plane until they enter the virtual environment. Plus I deliberately used the term “Many” of passengers as there will be those who are unwilling to accept their new way of life and he (The AI) plans to delete those people once he has access to the systems he needs.

      In terms of how, I was thinking nanotechnology, something that could both attach itself to individual neurons and break down cells / convert atoms into resources it needs, which could be its end goal to grow its own system which it can’t do if it is competing with humanity for the planet’s resources.

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    11. [Deleted User]
      2015-02-22T09:58:30+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 9:58 am

      Well, this logline has me interested, but it poses so many questions that I?m feeling reluctant to invest. The AI has vaporized a jetliner, but later we find out the passengers are seemingly alive. I?m going to assume they?ve been digitized. Okay, but then the AI?s plans are to digitize all of humanity. Why? How? Does that me the AI is going to vaporize all of humanity? Does this vaporization actually digitize the people?

      Also, be careful of typos and spelling errors:
      AI
      Vaporizes
      Discover that many passengers
      Digitize

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    12. [Deleted User]
      2015-02-22T09:58:30+10:00Added an answer on February 22, 2015 at 9:58 am

      Well, this logline has me interested, but it poses so many questions that I?m feeling reluctant to invest. The AI has vaporized a jetliner, but later we find out the passengers are seemingly alive. I?m going to assume they?ve been digitized. Okay, but then the AI?s plans are to digitize all of humanity. Why? How? Does that me the AI is going to vaporize all of humanity? Does this vaporization actually digitize the people?

      Also, be careful of typos and spelling errors:
      AI
      Vaporizes
      Discover that many passengers
      Digitize

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