In addition to comments on the actual logline, is this a concept you’d be interested in watching? Thanks in advance for your feedback!
When a prototype super-soldier goes rogue, he struggles to make his way home before the U.S. Army closes in and reclaims its property.
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I remember Dark Angel – saw the first 3 episodes and then lost interest. That was an interesting twist on the super soldier concept. I agree with your comment about providing a personal touch, and that’s definitely something I want to emphasize in the actual script but haven’t figured out how to incorporate into the logline. Thanks for your feedback!
I think SOLDIER is the sci-fi version, but UNIVERSAL SOLDIER is possibly even more similar. As you said, not necessarily a bad thing. It was a good enough idea to get made once (or twice), it should be good enough to get made again.
I think what they lacked, and what your logline lacks, is a personal touch. Give us some hint as to what type of man he is, why is he so hell bent on getting home, or what happens if he doesn’t. Maybe his family is in danger. Does he have his memory from a former life? We’ve seen the super soldier a million times, give us an emotional reason to care about him.
Note: Just realised, it’s also the same idea as DARK ANGEL. The James Cameron tv show staring Jessica Alba. That was a nice twist making the super soldier a young woman. It was a good premise, but the show went downhill from there.
Thanks for the comment, Geno. I always operate under the edict “give us the same, but different”, so the challenge is to find that unique hook. So far, the concept is something along the lines of Six Billion Dollar Man meets First Blood. Have to do more research…
It’s worded really well, but there’s nothing in the logline that immediately makes it unique. We get the character, the conflict and the genre, but nothing that really pulls me into wanting to find out more about the script. Find that unique element and work it in there.
Excellent logline. I might want to improve on the “struggles to make his way home” line. Sounds more like a stray dog.
Regarding film I’d want to see? Sure, but didn’t Kurt Russell make this already?
SOLDIER: “After being defeated and left for dead by his genetically engineered replacements, Sergeant Todd must save a peaceful community from destruction by the same soldiers.”
I had a script outlined called “Headless Body in a Topless Bar” based on a news report I heard the day before. Stupid me didn’t research it first, and it was actually already done and filmed in 1997 or something. Wasted a whole day and was super-jazzed at the brilliant title. Oh, well…