Top Gojek (Indonesian language feature)
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
When a rival Japanese company steals all their employees, a reckless wannabe street-racer must help his mother save their failing ojek business. (An ojek is a motorcycle based form of public transport; like a motorcycle taxi. Very common in Indonesia).
Share
First of all, take out the part in brackets. A logline is meant to be an easy to read, quick summary. This just makes it confused.
Rather than writing ‘Ojek,’ just call it a motorcycle taxi business. Most people will be able to work this out. Just to be on the safe side even write ‘Japanese transport compnay’ as well.
As far as the logline goes, its pretty solid I think. the inciting incident is there, the protag is clear as is his flaw. The antagonist is also obvious. I would say maybe make the goal a little clearer. Something like ‘…must help his mother save their failing motorcycle taxi business by (doing something, presumably to do with being a reckless wannabe street racer)” but even that might be a little too much.
Hi I agree with jamesmichael…if your movie is set in a westernized country definately remove the part in brackets as it takes away from the story and change ‘Ojek’ to motorcycle. If it is set in Indonesia then put motorcycle in brackets after ‘Ojek’ as this helps clarify the location for western producers. You can remove the word Japanese as competitor says it all. I really like your protagonist’s description as it creates endless possibilities as to where the story will go in my mind. Good luck!
Thanks guys. Posting a revision now.