Penpusher
Posted: 2012-10-16T17:42:22+10:00 In:

When a ruthless bank robber finds a gate to a parallel universe, any crime seems possible to escape, until the other self gets to take the blame.

Paracrime

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    5 Reviews

    1. This is a very unique idea, sounds really interesting but still think more needs to be added like will they have to get back into the former world to save himself? Will he rob a major mob boss in the parallel universe which means he is hunted in the other one? Obviously he is taking the blame for it all but just taking the blame isn’t enough there needs to be a death threat or family threat or something that he desperately must learn a lesson, change his ways, and get back in order to save himself.

      The idea is very interesting but think you can make it even more interesting in the log line, for starters think of a main antagonist and if you have one add them in. Raise the stakes for you protagonist so that he must change in order to survive.

      Hope this helps

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    2. Penpusher

      Without changing (or revealing) too much of the story I changed it a bit.

      When a ruthless criminal finds a gate to a parallel universe, any crime may be escaped, until the other self follows with a deadly revenge

      I will think more about this. Thanks for the reply

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    3. If he’s a bank-robber than we can assume he is ruthless… so perhaps there’s a way of getting more shading to his character with this adjective?

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    4. If he’s found a parallel-universe then the question becomes how? Is he a scientist? Its a bit breaking bad, but you could say “When a scientist-turned-bankrobber finds…”.

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    5. I think it’s a great logline and concept. I would change “other self gets”. That seems a bit clumsy and confusing, enough to distract from the greatness of that story idea!

      Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge

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