When a scientist invents a vaccine for a virus that devastated the United States and uses it to build a deadly army, her former student must lead a special forces team to her hidden base in the Rocky Mountains in order to get the vaccine in the right hands.
danielplagensLogliner
When a scientist invents a vaccine for a virus that devastated the United States and uses it to build a deadly army, her former student must lead a special forces team to her hidden base in the Rocky Mountains in order to get the vaccine in the right hands.
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You should write the logline from one perspective. In your logline, you start from the perspective of the scientist and we think the scientist is the lead character, then you switch to the student and now we wonder who the lead character is.
Agreed with Richiev, better to select a single dramatic point of view for the logline.
In addition, the premise is not clear – how can a vaccine be used to build an army? Perhaps better to leave such an obscure detail out of the logline. To make the premise work logically, she could have the vaccine and partner up with a General gone mad.
I think an army is a symptom of power. What benefit does she have in having the army. How is it financed? Okay too much for a logline. But can be explained. Controls the control by controlling the vaccine. You see what I am aim at.
A person must break into a private military base to obtain a vaccine and save the general population.
Crap I know, needs personality, but the core is simply stated.