Baking Bread (Skit)
Lucius PaisleyLogliner
When a struggling home economics teacher is diagnosed with cancer he opens a bakery to "raise the dough" and secure a financial future for his family.
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Have you ever seen The Muppets ‘Veterinarian Hospital’? There’d be no conflict, a customer would come into the bakery, look around, make a corny bakery based joke and then leave. Then after a couple of jokes, with no real way to end it, I’d have the main character die from his cancer.
Probably by having him clutch his heart and shout “AAGH! MY CANCER!” then fall over. Which I personally find hilarious.
Okay, good, but where’s the conflict? What’s *stopping him* from being a successful baker and securing his family’s future? Remember, what’s causing conflict for Walter White is that cooking meth is illegal, and his own brother-in-law is in the DEA. What’s your equivalent?
best reply ever.
When a struggling meth dealer is diagnosed with cancer he converts his meth lab to a bakery. But to secure a financial future for his family he must crank out counterfeit Twinkies.
So –
‘When a struggling home economics teacher is diagnosed with cancer, he secures a financial future for his family by opening a bakery to “raise the dough”.’
?
I was going to say it a light hearted Breaking Bad but then read the comment and title haha. I quite like the log line but think maybe you should end on the ‘raise the dough’ line as it is the humorous part of it and it’s bogged down near the middle. That would be my suggestion.
I’m obviously not the first to come up with that particular “Spoonerism” but I have no intention of writing something like that, it’s more “practice” for my loglining…