When severe brain trauma hallucination escalates to a pain crippling, suicidal head, a memory broke teen who wants to live, must imagine a super programmer who integrates a virtual reality to recovery
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When severe brain trauma hallucination escalates to a pain crippling, suicidal head, a memory broke teen who wants to live, must imagine a super programmer who integrates a virtual reality to recovery
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“When severe brain trauma hallucination escalates to a pain crippling, suicidal head, a memory broke teen who wants to live, must imagine a super programmer who integrates a virtual reality to recovery”
This version of the logline still describes things that a general reader won’t understand, story-specific terminology and ideas.
The first thing is that the inciting incident should be a specific event, one that motivates the character to pursue the goal. So how does “When severe brain trauma hallucination escalates to a pain crippling, suicidal head,” translate into a specific event? In the first version there was a dream, what specifically causes this pain?
What does memory broke mean?
How does imagining a programmer who integrates a virtual reality help him recovery?
The logline needs to present a specific,?visual objective goal and action to achieve that goal. It needs to describe what we will see onscreen, and a goal that has a visual representation so the audience will know it is achieved or not.
I agree with Nir and dkp:
Who is the lead? What do they want, and what is standing in their way?
Agreed with Dkpough1.
It’s difficult to understand what’s going on in the story.
What is the MC’s job and defining characteristic?
What does the MC want to achieve and why?
What’ s stopping the MC from achieving it?
“When a traumatically brain injured dream escalates a memory broke teen to a pain crippling head his gifted imagination recalls a brilliant cyber virtual lunatic to manipulate reality of recovery”
This logline is confusing due to lack of punctuation and odd grammar. Take a look at the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on making a standard logline.
What I can make out of this attempt is that the protagonist is a teenager who’s is traumatized and a dream causes him pain for some reason. He has a gifted imagination. What does that mean?
And I don’t understand what the last part means. What is the reality of recovery? How does this cyber virtual lunatic do this?
The logline doesn’t seem to describe a goal that the protagonist has to actively pursue. He goes to find someone and then this cyber virtual lunatic is the one who is proactive while the protagonist does nothing.
Please clarify the ideas presented in the logline and I will try to help you come up with another attempt.