Gym. Tan. Sad Face. (Short/Dramedy)
Caleb TumanakoLogliner
When a twenties something Jersey Shore type who lives solely for “the life” comes down with a bout of severe depression, he begins to see his world in a different light.
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Hi Caleb,
I can visualise the characters turnaround when he discovers his illness. Great potential for character development.
If you tell us the main character’s a “Jersey Shore type,” then living for his looks and his partying lifestyle is implied and can be cut.
“When a twenty-something, Jersey Shore type is diagnosed with severe depression, he begins to see his world in a different light.” ****(Against the increasing criticism of his friends)****
That isn’t to say there aren’t more changes that could be made, just that the one change can reduce your word count and allow you too ad a little more to it.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Very helpful, Richiev. Thank you.
You’ve provided us a set-up, but I don’t have any idea what your movie is about.
“When an egotistical meathead is diagnosed with severe depression …”
What happens then? Go back to basics. What is the goal, who is the antagonist, and what are the stakes of failure?
Cheers.
Concerning shorts, is it always necessary to have an antagonist role in there because I don’t think that is clear cut and that role could go to his circle of friends/former life he lives before he transforms into an introverted, deep, poem-spouting, sad sack.
The goal to me is on the character trying to find what true happiness really is.
Hey Caleb;
It’s ALWAYS necessary to have an antagonist. Audiences understand movies and stories in certain ways, and the reality is just that they need a (singular) character who embodies the resistant force to a protagonist from scene to scene.
This character (the Shadow, according to Joseph Campbell) can shift from character to character during the course of a movie, so it’s very possible that the friends begin as allies and BECOME antagonists during the course of the story (and could shift back to being allies by the end). But there should probably be a LEADER (like Regina George in Mean Girls).
As far as including that in the logline, I’ve seen loglines work without explicitly stating who the antagonist is, but it’s usually heavily implied.
Also … what does “finding what true happiness is” looks like? How are you going to make that cinematic? Does it follow your protagonist enrolling in a meditation seminar? Going hiking? Wooing the girl of his dreams? Building a car with his dad? A combination of all of these things? None of these things? Be specific. If I watch your film, what will I see?
I can get into detail with that so why not.
His former life becomes more revealed to him as being vapid, shallow and empty. He starts to question this and the world around him through poetry! Starts remembering his times as a child, care free and what has basically lead him to all the partying! He begins to enjoy things like nature! Trees! Rainbows and the sun! Eventually, as he starts to make progress by coming out of his delusional partying life style… He’s offered something like free tanning salon passes or a year long V.I.P pass to an exclusive night club, causing him to quickly return to his former ways.
Now I guess what I want to do with that idea is to get a solid story out of it. So I’ll go back to basics and most likely work on the goal and the antagonist roles so it’s more structured and not something for the recycle bin.
Cheers.
The epiphany sounds like something a person would have after a near death experience (such as overdosing and nearly dying) instead of simply being diagnosed as depressed.
After he nearly dies (Or perhaps does die for a few moments) the lead begins to see what’s really important in life. (And of course his partying friends don’t like the change)
anyway, those are just some thoughts. Hope that helped!