The Heart Racer
ValentinSamurai
When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrolmen to transport his dying fianc? heart transplant.
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Always check for spelling and grammar.
Now, the way you have your log line is a bit confusing.
To which are you referring?
“When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrol officers to transport his dying fianc?’s heart transplant.”
(i. e. He is carring the container that has her new heart in it.)
or
“When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrol officers to transport his dying fianc?’s heart transplant.” operation.”
That should have said…
When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrol officers to transport his dying fianc? to her heart transplant operation.?
I meant the first choice:
When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrol officers to transport his dying fianc??s heart transplant.?
(i. e. He is carring the container that has her new heart in it.)
I like the premise, but I have to admit to reading the logline twice before I got it.
1: The race car driver should already have several speeding tickets. One more ticket and he loses his license and thus his livelihood. Up the stakes. (Just a thought, doesn’t have to be in the logline)
2:There should be someone chasing him that has a personal vendetta against the race care driver, for instance, a mean ex boyfriend of his fiance, who has a grudge, and happens to be a state patrolman. That would personalize the chase. give a face to those chasing him. (Should be in the logline)
—–
“When all flights are cancelled due to a volcanic eruption. a desperate race car driver must evade a vindictive highway patrolman while racing to get his fiance’s hart transplant to her surgeon.”
—–
Hope that helped, good luck with this!!
Here is a thought. In many of your disaster movies, you have the following…
A pending disaster.
A family or couple with interpersonal issues.
An idiot who either cannot for some, as of yet, unexplained reason, or will not admit to the seriousness of the situation.
The disaster ensues, which causes the family to put aside their problems to deal with the situation at hand.
Afterwards…
The situation either resolves itself.
It is stopped before the catastrophe happens.
The catastrophe happens and the people have to deal with and or suffer the consequences of those actions and or inactions.
I think that you nailed the logline.
Initially, my hero is a cocky arrogant racing driver, who humiliates the officer when given a speeding ticket. By chance (somebody in the race dies), a heart compatible with his girlfriend is available in that city. It must reach her hospital within 12 hours. However because of a volcanic eruption, all flights are grounded. Racing across the country is the only possibility to reach the hospital in time. Unfortunately for him, a road block has been set up by the vindictive officer. The protagonist decides to break through it. For the protagonist it is now a race against time, for the antagonist it is a chase.
Are you sure that he has 12 hours? Also, be sure that you checked for spelling and grammar. It should say –
When a volcanic eruption grounds all flights, a desperate racing driver must evade highway patrol officers to transport his dying fianc??s heart transplant.?
It used to be 4~6 hours, but with the new technique it now reaches 6~12 hours.
I may reduce the timing without changing the script itself. It is supposed to be near real time: the 2 hours film corresponding to about 4 hours in the script.
The antagonist really just one vindictive highway patrol officer and the elements (ash falling down, flat tyre, gas shortage, no cell reception, …).
Where is the story set?
In the Western coast across the Yellowstone park.
A couple of years ago,the eruption of an Icelandic Volcan grounded all Western European flights for nearly two weeks.
The Ashes in the air were likely to cause jet plane engine failure.
That can work. (See: Mt. St Helens, 1980.) And where’s the driver going — what’s his destination?
I
I was going to suggest Mt. St. Helens. Yellowstone Park is fine if it is just sci-fi from Canada. However, if you use information from an actual volcano, you have a bit more realism to use.
The volcano is not going to erupt with magma just to release a lot of gas and smoke.
The protagonist has to race to the hospital on the other side of the park.
At the initial hospital, the driver takes him in the ambulance.
Once the driver has an accident, he continue on his own.
He then meet again the vindictive officer, who try to block him.
He force through the barrage, and the chase ensue.
Flat tyre, no gas, no cell to check that his girlfriend has been transferred to the nearer hospital.
Somebody try to steal the ambulance…
Fuck yeah … the elements are there for sure.
The wording feels a little clunky; like “racing driver” sounds very juvenile, poorly researched. He’s a racer, right? So could you describe him as a Formula 1 racer, or a street racer, or something like that, which gives us a little more about the character but just cleans up the wording?
Could you give a face to the “highway patrolmen”? The guy in charge – the antagonist?
I also feel like something is missing, but can’t quite put my finger on it – maybe I need to understand how far he needs to travel, and how long he has to get the heart there?
Would definitely read this if someone put the script in front of me.
The protagonist is racing in legal race not in street race. I have deliberately chosen not to name the competition he is in. One big rule of scriptwriting and logline is that unless you have a written authorisation confirmed by a lawyer DO NOT USE BRAND. Any unauthorised or illegal usage or reference to a brand will result in a visit or letter by a copyright or Intellectual Property lawyer. It is also the sure way to scare away all the indie and medium size production companies.
The latest version of the logline should read as follows:
When all the flights are grounded by a volcanic eruption, a desperate racing driving must evade a vindictive highway patrol officer to transport his dying fianc?’s heart transplant to her surgeon.
As mentioned in earlier posts, the volcano is Mount Saint Helens. The destination city is likely yo be Seattle.
Maximum recommended time between harvesting a heart and implanting is currently 4~6 hours. The chase in the movies is supposed to take 4 hours.
Okay, fine – so call him a professional racer.
“When all flights are grounded by a volcanic eruption, a professional racer must evades a vindictive highway patrol officer to transport his dying fiance’s replacement heart to her surgeon half a state away.”
I really feel like including an idea of distance – to make us feel like it’s even more difficult, almost impossible – gives it a little bit of a bump. But other than that, like I said, if someone told me about this movie, I’d want to see it. For sure. Great timeclock, stakes are primal, and I can see in my mind’s eye at least ONE of the chases as they race through a town as the volcano blows its top. You can even picture the poster …