Tas Mania
When a young boy concludes rising sea levels will sink his dream island Tasmania, he must engage all strength to swim and fly to his paradise before time runs out.
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My only issue with this revised version is that it is somewhat unrealistic. Is it likely that the threat of global warming will destroy Tasmania in a life time? Probably not. It implies your hero is gullible or irrational. If on the other hand he had to get to Tasmania to bury his estranged mother, scatter her ashes or find his biological father before he dies – that’s more compelling. Or maybe he himself has cancer and he’s dying – it’s a dying wish.
As your logline stands right now, the audience might not care.
I don’t know. What do other people think?
As long as the character believes in what he has to do, the audience will too, or so I have heard.
The boy truly believes Tas will sink after seeing a a class presentation on global warming of other kids sinking a map of the world. The whole film is quite irrational (a young boy attempting to swim 429 kms), him flying off a roof etc. Gobal warming keeps within the irrational/ comedic style of the film, as adding too much tragedy & seriousness may dampen this style.
I don’t know. What do other people think?
As long as a character fully believes in what they have to do, the audience will too, or so I have heard.
The boy truly believes Tasmania is about to sink after watching a class presentation regarding global warming of other kids sinking a map of the world. His irrational thinking is also apparent when flying off the roof and attempt swimming 429 kms across sea at night.
I chose global warming because it is something which fits within the irrational/ comedic style of the film. More serious, logical explanations may dampen this effect.
Feel free to disagree however…
Hi Isabelle
I’m a bit confused — despite his apparent irrationality, choosing to go to Tasmania simply for the reason that it’s (or at least in his own mind…) about to go under is not believable or justifiable, IMO. It’s like someone deciding to run into a burning house, not to save anyone or anything, but just because it’s burning down. That’s not irrationality, that insanity. I don’t know if an audience could go along with that, particularly given that you are currently describing him as ‘young’ and not by some other flaw — like ‘irrational/ a chronic day-dreamer/ a friendless dreamer… or what-have -you… He reads as a frustrating character to me and not one that I’d find compelling or sympathetic. But, as others have said, if there was a more legitimate reason for him to go (to meet/ save a loved one/ a deceased parent was raised there… ra ra ra…) I might be compelled to buy this premise… although…
There’s another issue is in regards to the physical objective itself. Good loglines (and stories) find a great balance of unlikelihood and plausibility. Unfortunately yours, again, just IMO n all that, is both unlikely and implausible. Bass Straight is classified as one of THE most treacherous straights in the world — it’s notoriously rough. Only one person has ever swum it… and then, that was not from mainland Tasmania itself (from King Island to Apollo Bay in Victoria) — and she’s an elite athlete. I just don’t know if I can swallow a premise of a young boy achieving the crossing alive… If he was particularly gifted I might buy him stealing a light plane and flying across the straight… or maybe stowing away on The Spirit Tasmania…
The only way swimming could work is we see that swimming is a unique strength he has BEFORE he has the idea to attempt to swim the straight (and something that would have to be mentioned in the logline…) — but again, he’d have to be, like, THE best child swimmer in the world.
Hope you don’t take this criticism as being too harsh — I think there’s a potentially great story there, I just think you need to work on the protag’s main physical (and psychological) objective, and make his means of achieving it extremely difficult, unlikely, but… still plausible.
Best of luck.
And I see that your’s is a comedy — but fwiw:
“An orphaned day dreaming twelve year old boy begins a quest to cross Bass Straight from mainland Australia, by any means he can, to reach the birthplace of his deceased parents? Tasmania.”
I think it works, and I like the idea of a character that is deluded (or imaginative, considering your protagonist is a child) and doggedly pursuing a goal.
I don’t like the wording “his dream island Tasmania” … it feels clunky. But bigger than that, I agree with the above that we as the audience want the character to have a stronger motivation to get there than just “he wants to.” The threat of it sinking is a nice way to force the character into action … and provides a way to crank up the stakes, but we definitely want there to be something there for him; family is the most primal and basic we can understand … especially if his continued survival depends on it.
“After the death of his mother, an adventurous orphan must cross the Bass Strait and find his estranged father before Tasmania is swallowed by the rising sea level.”
So the rising sea levels about to sink Tasmania seem acceptable to everyone providing they are only used as stakes, & not the main motivation?
So the rising sea levels about to sink Tasmania seem acceptable to everyone providing it is only used to increase the stakes, & is not the main motivation?
Is this the general consensus… The rising sea levels about to sink Tasmania is acceptable as the boy’s fear, used to increase the stakes, but is not his main motivation for wanting to get there.
If it’s a comedy, I think you need to give us more of a sense of that in the logline.
if it’s a drama…. wouldn’t the inhabitants of Tasmania be fleeing for their lives?