Hell Break
When a young lawyer dies and is sent to hell, he is determined to break his way into heaven, or he will suffer for eternity./Kalle
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I like this logline much better and at 44 words you are just fine.
A new and revised logline (possibly a few words too long):
When a lawyer and his wife die in a car crash and she is sent to heaven while he is doomed to spend eternity in hell, he is determined to do whatever it takes to get out of there and reunite with his wife.
/Kalle
Here’s a new revised logline (that probably is a few words too long, but shows the new addition to the story):
When a lawyer and his wife dies in a car crash and she is sent to heaven while he ends up in hell, he is determined to do whatever it takes to get out of there and reunite with his wife.
/Kalle
Certainly easy to think of how a lawyer would end up in hell. 🙂
Glad you liked my idea. Best of luck with this.
Thanks for the suggestions! The reason I picked lawyer was that I felt I could come up with a work related reason for him to go to hell, and that I need him to be fairly clever, and therefore picked a profession that suggests he is. But I really like the idea of him having to “lawyer” his way out of there, rather than break. Thanks! /Kalle
This is a very good concept and I could see Jim Carey in the lead, but would you consider this slight change? Instead of trying to “break his way into heaven,” since he is a lawyer, what if he tried to win the case in the divine court, for why he should be allowed to enter heaven? Otherwise, who cares if he is a lawyer or garbage collector?
If you make the point that he is a lawyer, then use it for the story. Unless you are just making a statement that all lawyers will be going to hell. Which of course is a completely valid argument.
You may also want to give the protagonist, the lawyer, a second more compelling reason to need to get to heaven, beyond saving his own skin from eternal damnation. What if he needs to ascend to save the woman he loves still living on earth?
Just some thoughts. Good start!