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Valeria RowinskiPenpusher
When all their attempts to achieve happiness fail, even when fulfilling family expectations, a highly disciplined hetero cis woman must deconstruct and find out what she wants in all aspects of her life even if that includes rediscovering her sexuality to be happy.
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There are lots of great things you can do with with a lead character trying to find themselves.
However, you are missing the ‘moment’ of clarity when she realizes she needs to change.
For instance, when the lead character of “American Beauty” is fired, that is when he changes and begins to speak his mind to everyone.
Adding this moment to your logline will give it a little more focus and as a result, help draw your reader in.
(Granted, this moment of clarity won’t exactly be the reason, but simply the last straw but in a story like this I would definitely have that moment in the logline)
Since you explicitly tell us the woman is cis, I would expect the film to be about the woman’s “sexual orientation” not her “sexuality”. A woman can rediscover her sexuality (as did Anna Karenina) without questioning her sexual orientation.
As Richiev asks, what is the inciting incident? Since this is a comedy, we expect she might misinterpret the incident or overact in some comedic fashion, but the event should be something specific, not general unhappiness with life.
A logline for a comedy should give the reader an idea as to what the comedic premise is.? Alas, I can’t imagine what could be so funny about? “a highly disciplined hetero cis woman (who) must deconstruct….” yada, yada, yada.
BUT:
>>>That (s)he is thirty years old and never had an orgasm.
I can immediately imagine comedy possibilities in a 30 year old woman who has never had a Big O!! moment in her life.? That’s the most interesting defining characteristic of? your character.
It’s your story hook, what? makes the character and her situation interesting.? Don’t bury that hook.? Reveal and lead with it.
Like :”A 30 year old woman who has never had an orgasm must…” well, what?
Lol, in response to DPG?s idea about a 30-year-old woman who has never had an orgasm. There could be some very funny bits you could infuse into your story.
Comedic bits:
She buys an old motorcycle and goes over a bunch of speed bumps.
She askes if she could use her friend?s dryer, loads a bunch of shoes and sits on top of it.
She tries horseback riding.
She goes to a very straight-laced hypnotist who normally helps people quit smoking and explains she wants him to help her have an orgasm.
She self-consciously tries to read, ?How to have an orgasm? while riding the subway, gets weird looks, then an eighty-year-old lady nods and gives her a thumbs up.
The basic idea is she looks up on-line all the things woman claim have given them an orgasm and tries them out? probably in the form of a montage. (Set to ?I touch myself? or some song along those lines depending on the rights)