When an archaeologist is killed by a god, a student in mythology finds out and goes on the journey to find the weapon that can kill gods, a grotesque monster made back by a medieval monastery father.
LeviathanSamurai
When an archaeologist is killed by a god, a student in mythology finds out and goes on the journey to find the weapon that can kill gods, a grotesque monster made back by a medieval monastery father.
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There is a disconnect?between the inciting incident and your lead character.
Usually, the inciting incident happens to the lead character or to somebody they love. This is what spurs the character into action.
such as:? “When his archaeologist father is killed by a god, a mythology student must…”
You should make this personal
Also, is there any reason the archaeologist is killed by “a god”
Instead, you should have him killed by ”Zeus’ or ‘Aries’, something the reader can picture in their minds.
You say the lead character is a mythology student, that would imply we are talking about a mythological god, so you should name the god for clarity to help the reader.
Since all the names I come up with? are either hard to pronounce or complicated. I can’t name them, but I guess it would be easier to state which god they died by rather than the names. It still gives the impression, just a little more creativity on the reader’s part to come up with a name until the actual script comes out.
Agreed with Richiev – personal stakes make a story more interesting.
The wording in the logline is confusing and seems to lack a clear cause and effect relationship. What if the killer god threatens the student’s hometown?
Here’s my try:
After an ancient god kills his father, a mythology student must track down?monks living in a secret monastery to get the only weapon that can kill a deity so he can save his family.
Agree with Richiev and Nir Shelter.
>>> I come up with are either hard to pronounce or complicated
My advice: KISS — Keep it simple, screenwriter.
When an ancient God hellbent on world domination takes over his father’s body, a mythology student must track a secret society to get the only weapon that can defeat a deity.
Having the ancient God taking over his father’s body rather than kill doubles the tension while still keeping it personal.
Can he save his dad? And if he can’t ?can he kill him?
Agree with previous comments. Without some connection between the student and the archaeologist there is no purpose for the protagonist. I like the idea of the weapon being an ancient item/monster but I see an inhabitant of ?medieval monasteries (which, if you’re referring to Medieval England, were all Christian I believe) as only believing in one God. Maybe consider a different creator? Perhaps the item/monster is held by the descendant of its creator and that person could help/hinder the student on his quest?
Well, I wanted it monster vs monster/god. I guess I should have logged it under SCI-FI rather than Action.