Foreclosure
Ian SlaterPenpusher
When an elderly man sues a large bank for foreclosing on him due to a data error, he dies of a heart attack in court, and his daughter then brings a wrongful death suit against the same bank.
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This seems too “dog bites man.” It may be kind of sad, too; you might need a hopeful twist.
Maybe develop the error into something more critical to the banks very survival that they want hushed up. Otherwise unfortunately I would struggle to understand why the bank would give a damn.
Thanks MichaelHag, thanks gawebster,
I found both of your comments very helpful. Did some reworking and came up with this new version, albeit long…
“After losing his home due to an error in reporting, an elderly man sues a large bank, but when he dies of a heart attack in court, his daughter discovers he was threatened and responds with a wrongful death suit, encouraging a media frenzy and equally wronged parties to come forward…ending in the bank’s collapse.”
I don’t find the scenario particularly plausible nor the daughter sympathetic.
Why should I want her to get all that money when she’s not the real victim? The victim is the elderly man and he’s dead.
And he was an elderly man. His days were numbered anyway, doomed to die sooner rather than later of something. And at his age the odds are not in his favor that it wouldn’t be a heart attack — it’s a leading cause of death for the elderly.
And one lawsuit by one person over one mortgage error is going to bring a BIG bad bank to financial ruin? How much is the greedy gal suing for? Why does she deserve all that money when it’s the old man who suffered?
The problem with this logline is, (as read) it switches main characters. It starts as if the father is the main character, then it ends as if the Daughter is the main character.
How about something like this:
—–
“After her father has a fatal heat attack during a viscous court battle, A determined but inexperienced lawyer takes up her dads foreclosure suit against a greedy but powerful banker.”
—–
It might be more compelling if the mortgage foreclosure drives him to commit suicide instead.
And she didn’t lose her father through suicide, she lost her husband. Now it’s up close and personal and the stakes are higher: she’s being thrown out of her house, facing bankruptcy, has no job and several kids to support.
fwiw
Thanks guys, all your comments really got me thinking about this. I think I’m guilty of layering on plot points in an attempt to fix what was really a problem with the expression of my core concept.
Richiev – you hit the nail on the head of what fascinates me about this concept. And you were right on also about me having an initial confusion of my main character which prevented me from ever clarifying this.