Logliner
Posted: 2020-02-28T04:42:42+10:00 In:

When an ex-soldier comes to meet his son who was born of rape during the war, he must convince the mother (the woman he raped) that his intentions are clear. (SHORT FILM)

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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      – when an ex soldier comes to meet his son..

      This is not the inciting incident, else the mother would’ve been the protagonist. Why made him want to meet his son? We need to know what’s at stake, especially when the protagonist has been a rapist

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    2. Singularity

      The premise is promising. It can play out in different ways.? For example:

      Twenty years after a Serbian soldier raped a Bosnian woman during the bitter civil war, the man, now divorced and fatherless, calls upon her to ask for forgiveness only to discover he fathered her son.
      (His objective goal is complicated by a shocking discovery)

      Or

      Twenty years after a Serbian soldier raped a Bosnian woman during the bitter civil war,? the man, now divorced and fatherless, calls upon her after learning she has a son — and he might be the father.
      (His objective goal is to find out if he has a son.)

      Or maybe something else.? There are lots of possibilities.

      fwiw

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    3. Singularity

      I agree; you should say, “He must convince the mother to let him meet the boy”

      Because saying his intentions are clear… isn’t clear. (it doesn’t tell us what his intentions are)

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    4. Logliner

      Perhaps “he must convince the mother to let him meet the boy” would sound better.

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