Logliner
Posted: 2016-09-01T00:51:38+10:00 In:

When an impoverished single mom is diagnosed with cancer, her teenage son solicits treatment donations by attempting to break the Guinness World Record for continuous wakeboarding of 12 straight hours.

Don’t Let Go

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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Agreed with DPG, perhaps best to make it that he must win a contest instead of rely on pledges and record breaking?

      I think it’s safe to say that wakeboarding hasn’t quite hit the mark, according to the other comments, have you considered other sports? Running could be far more applicable to an impoverished family – all it will cost is the price of a pair of shoes. Just a thought as I believe that the inciting incident is sound, but the method to achieving the goal raises too many problems.

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    2. Singularity

      Good rewrite, Richiev, and a good question.

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    3. Singularity

      I would begin the logline like this:

      “When his mom is diagnosed with cancer, and impoverished?wakeboarder?vows to break the world record in order to pay for her treatments.?”

      This makes the logline more personal.

      (Just curious, in order to wakeboard you need a boat. Is this really a sport that a poor person would do?)

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    4. Singularity

      Well…

      When his impoverished single mom is diagnosed with cancer, a teenager struggles to raise pledge money for her treatment by trying to break the Guinness World Record for continuous wakeboarding.

      (30 words)

      It seems to me there are several struggles?in telling the story and ?in?selling?it .

      1] Persuading people in the film ?to pledge the money.

      2] Getting movie makers in Hollyweird ?to finance the film. ?Is “wakeboarding” a sufficient hook to attract the money? ?Is it strong enough to attract a viewing audience?

      3] Imbuing the story with sufficient dramatic tension when it comes time for him to break the record. ?Dramatic tension would arise from a serious character flaw, handicap or complication that threatens to defeat him. Otherwise the 3rd act will be anticlimatic. ?And there’s no hint in the logline of any adversary or complication that threatens to defeat him.

      fwiw

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    5. Wow you really like wakeboarding. As for the loglines, who is the protagonist? The mum? The son? Pick one. Also, you don’t need the impoverished if she is given cancer. This is quite long so cutting anything from it will help it flow. Hope this helps.

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