The Bio-Drone War
ShadowPenpusher
?When an inexperienced journalist gets assigned to a military unit fighting in the second US civil war, he will have to fill the unlikely role of diplomat in order to prevent the war from reaching his home town.?
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The circumstances — a 2nd American Civil War — seems more interesting than the journalist’s predicament.
I like the idea sounds very cool.
When the whole country is at war. How do you give the home town higher stakes.
To Chorley and dpg,
The second US civil war has been waged for many years at this point, so I think everyone would be pretty used to it as it’s a common part of everyday life. The two sides in the war have been at a stalemate for a very long time, until one side gets an huge advantage and proceeds to push up the front line. The journalist’s town is in the path of the advancing military.
Some of the conflict comes from the fact that the journalist’s superiors want him to give a very biased account of the war, due to the heavy propaganda of the time, but in order to save his town he has to play the role of unbiased diplomat and get both sides to stop the fighting long enough to evacuate the town.
( Thanks for the comments! )
>>> so I think everyone would be pretty used to it as it?s a common part of everyday life
For the characters. But not to anyone reading the logline, not to the potential viewing audience.
The logline raises the question: what was the casus belli? It may be backstory but doesn’t it figure into the current situation and the ensuing plot?
Yeah, I wasn’t sure how much back story to put in the logline because I tried to keep it short and interesting. I’m thinking the war could possibly have been caused by a federal military strike on numerous cities in a certain state in the name of combating a “terrorist organization”, however the governor of that state believes they crossed a line and summons the national guard to defend the state. This escalates into a civil war, with states choosing sides with either the Catalysts (federal gov supporting) or the Reactionaries (state-supporting).
Personally I don’t think I need to include background of the war in this particular logline, but I’m open to suggestions! 🙂
I agree, you can’t cram the casus belli into the logline. I was asking as a point of inquiry, to get a better sense of the story.
However, I fear “‘second U.S. civil war” may cause readers’ minds to jump the track, shift focus from the plot as mine did. Civil War 2.0 — WTF?! What is that about? How did that happen? Those questions are more likely to be on people’s minds than questions about the protagonist playing diplomat and the fate of his hometown.
Just saying.
This logline works for painted a picture of the world of the film and the protagonists goal. I think it’s a good job.
I love the setting for this plot concept. I also like the questions that a setting like this raises and how it effect the goal of the protag.
I see what you mean dpg, I guess I can hope that when they linger on this logline due to thinking about the 2nd civil war it’ll get people hooked and thinking about the entire logline more instead of just immediately dismissing it.
Thanks for the help and cheers!
Rather than getting hooked I think it will confuse people.
Think of the reader as a first time encounter with the concept as such this logline assumes far too much in order to pass as a clear and believable plot.
Sound advise given above.
Best to clarify the nature of the grand conflict in a grounded and believable premise that helps the suspension of disbelief instead of working against it. Further this concept needs its stakes balanced out because the personal stakes are undervalued when compared to the bigger stakes of a whole nation.
Hope this helps.
You assign the journalist a flaw of “inexperienced”. Inexperienced as what — a journalist? If so, how does being an inexperienced journalist jeopardize his “diplomatic mission”?
It would seem that “diplomatic mission” requires him to do something that even if here were an “experienced” journalist he would have no competence, no training to do. Conducting “diplomatic missions” is not in the job definition of a journalist, not a core subject in the curriculum.
In other words his experience or lack thereof as a journalist seems irrelevant to his “diplomatic mission”.
That’s a good point. I think I was trying to give a sense of how uncorrupted the journalist is by his company and society in general. He has always had to fend off the aggressive propaganda of this future society and has always tried to do what felt right to him. The more experienced journalists who have been at it for years are all so ingrained in the system that they are completely unable to give unbiased, and 100% factual news anymore.
However, I agree it’s not essential for the logline:
When a journalist gets assigned to a military unit fighting in the second US civil war, he will have to fill the unlikely role of diplomat in order to prevent the war from reaching his home town.?
Every word counts!
Shadow,
Let me parse your latest version from my viewpoint as an outsider:
>>>When a journalist gets assigned to a military unit fighting in the second US civil war…
I would view this as the setup. I don’t see it as the inciting incident. Because his assignment by itself is not a game changer. It’s just another reporting assignment with the usual requirements and expectations — whatever those are is in the context of the situation.
>>>he will have to fill the unlikely role of diplomat
Entailed in this is his life changing decision at the end of Act 1 that thrusts him into a new role — one he did not expect, a role he would not assume if he could avoid it. Right?
And why must he play this unfamiliar role? What has triggered this new direction in his story?
>>>to prevent the war reaching his home town.
It seems to me that entailed in this phrase is the inciting incident. Something totally unexpected — and unwanted — happens that changes everything for him, that forces him to respond. Only the inciting incident is stated rather generally and comes at the end of the logline when it should come as near as possible to the start of the logline.
So it seems to me that the inciting incident that changes his role, and his life, needs to be stated with more clarity and should be the kick off of the logline instead of the kicker.
Hope this helps.
This could be very interesting. What is it about the town that makes it deserve so much protection? And who will enforce it when a nation’s survival is at stake?