Logliner
Posted: 2016-02-22T13:19:25+10:00 In:

When an insecure screenwriter writing a screenplay about Al Capone is captured by Capone himself, he must escape the gangster’s clutches before he is tortured into writing a screenplay he hates and shot in the head.

When an insecure screenwriter writing a screenplay about Al Capone is captured by Capone himself, he must escape the gangster’s clutches before he is tortured into writing a screenplay he hates and shot in the head.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      It’s a bit long, just want to see if I’m getting the elements right. I see this as a Coen brothers style black comedy.

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    2. Singularity

      “When he’s forced by Al Capone to write the worst screenplay in the history of screenplays, a kidnapped screenwriter must find a way to write the script, fend off Al Capone’s horny mistress, while figuring out how to fake his death so he can escape.”

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    3. Singularity

      The basic premise comes across as comical so it definitely is working as a logline, however I believe it can be improved on.

      Firstly why is the main character a screenwriter? If there is no particular reason I would change him to a journalist writing a story for a news paper, it is a medium with a much faster turn around and it can be reacted to by other writers and or news papers.

      The inciting incident would be Al Capon capturing him not him starting to write, therefore best to make this clear and put it at the start (like Richiev suggested).
      Lastly when dealing with Al Capon the stakes are pretty clear, so no need to mention them.

      Here is a re worked version of Richiev’s suggestion:
      After he?s kidnapped by Al Capone and made to write the worst screenplay in history which glorifies the gangster, a screenwriter must fake his own death in order to escape.

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    4. Singularity

      What about a more contemporary story about a 2nd-tier, minor league?gangster, who idolizes Al Capone, who wants the screenwriter to produce a script for a reality series that will elevate him to the 1st tier, major leagues, will bring him the celebrity status? like Capone enjoyed?

      An updating of one of the premises of the classic movie?”Network”,? perhaps, but?maybe it’s time.

      fwiw

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