Penpusher
Posted: 2016-12-04T04:00:38+10:00 In:

When an Iraq War vet loses both his house and wife, he resolves to use his training to take out the CEO of a major NYC investment bank whom he blames for his losses and whose security detail is mostly composed of other vets.

When an Iraq War vet loses both his house and wife, he resolves to use his training to take out the CEO of a major NYC investment bank whom he blames for his losses and whose security detail is mostly composed of other vets.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      Hello,
      I keep an eye on this website and so I read many many loglines. I must say this one is faaaaaar better than the average! I think it could be improuved on the level of the words (too many words, not very elegant in style). Anyway, I can see a movie here!

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    2. Singularity

      Is this the plot of The Big Short? I don’t know… that was more about the Doctor turned stock broker not an Iraq War vet.

      The inciting incident needs to be described as a motivating event i.e: After his bank manager forecloses on his house an Iraq war vet loses his wife, he then seeks revenge by…

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    3. Uberwriter

      An Iraq War vet plans to kill the CEO of the bank he blames for his financial problems, but the CEO’s security are all ex-vets as well.

      Is there a hero? Can you supply why we would be backing the murderer. How and why do we sympathise with him?

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    4. Singularity

      I can see a cause-and-effect ?link (revenge) because I actually read the book “The Big Short” before it became out as a movie. ?But perhaps the linkage needs to be made more obvious and direct.

      So: ?the vet decides to take out the CEO of the very bank that held and foreclosed on the mortgage to his house. ?The CEO who collected fat bonuses thanks to the sub mortgage scam he promoted while the vet and others were losing every penny they had.

      fwiw

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    5. Uberwriter

      “When an Iraq War vet loses both his house and wife, he resolves to use his training to take out the CEO of a major NYC investment bank whose security detail is mostly composed of other vets.”

      The inciting incident does not share a causal relationship with the goal. Losing your house and wife does not logically lead to someone killing someone, unless it is revenge, which is not indicated.

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