Eternal
Caleb TumanakoLogliner
When an Israelite soldier is killed in the Battle of Aphek, he awakens and is thrown into a vivid, startling world beyond our physical where light and darkness are at constant war with each other.
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Story is conflict (Conflict between the main character and someone or something in his way)
There is no conflict in this logline, as a result this isn’t a story; it’s only the set-up of a story.
Now if the main character must choose between good and evil, then there is conflict and it should be added to the logline.
“After an Israelite soldier’s killed and awakens to a world where light and darkness are a constant war, he must choose between good and evil when he discovers he’s the tipping point in their eternal war.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
“The tipping point in their eternal war” was exactly what I was aiming for so thank you for your help!
Call me ignorant if you will, but I don’t know what the Battle of Aphek is, and to be honest, I don’t think it’s necessary. Also, can I know anything more about the soldier than that he’s an Israelite? Is he cocky? Is he proficient? Is he lazy?
“When a soldier dies in battle … ”
Now, you’ve provided what happens next in terms of setting; but all I really need to know is that he goes to an afterlife. You’ll save yourself a lot of words if you use terms people can understand. What does he do then, and what is his goal? Is it to return to Earth and his loved ones? If so, what would he need to do to achieve that?
If it’s that he takes part in the war between good and evil in the afterlife, what are the stakes for your protagonist in a conflict that is not his own, and that for all intents and purposes he has just stumbled into the middle of?
Cheers Nicholas!