Logliner
Posted: 2016-10-25T12:06:17+10:00 In:

When demons plan to steal the devils throne, a greedy rich lawyer dealing for his soul is the only one able to do something about it.

When demons plan to steal the devils throne, a greedy rich lawyer dealing for his soul is the only one able to do something about it.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Just curious but do you have a sympathetic character for the audience to cheer for and want to succeed? If so the logline should be written from their prospective.

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    2. Singularity

      I only mention it because you describe your lead as a greedy, rich, lawyer. None of those things would endear the reader to your lead. As a result, what is it about the story which will captivate the reader to want the lead character to succeed? Why should the audience care?

      Why should we care if demons rule the throne of Hell or if the Devil does? What are the stakes?

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    3. Singularity

      >>he must save himself before

      Save himself from what? ?And how? ?What is his specific objective goal?

      And maybe it serves him right for being a rich and greedy lawyer. As Richiev said, he doesn’t seem to be a sympathetic character, one an audience would naturally root for.

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    4. Logliner

      Hello dpg and Richiev, thank you very much for your reviews.

      I dont think the logline can manage to describe if the character is sympathetic or not. F.e: The Jaws logline just describes the hero as “local sheriff”, we cant know if hes likable just by that and i disagree that greedy characters are unlikable, theres Michale Douglas in Wall St., Frank Underwood, Dr. Faustus and so on. ?It would be better if i just put “lawyer” instead?

      But i sure do agree for the imminent danger, or how Richiev has put?” What are the stakes?”

      It was so simple!

      “When demons plan to steal the devils throne and jump-start the apocalypse, a greedy rich lawyer dealing for his soul is the only one able to do something about it.”

      or

      “When demons plan to steal the devils throne and jump-start the apocalypse, a ?lawyer dealing for his soul is the only one able to do something about it.”

      Thanks a lot!

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    5. Singularity

      The allusion to Dr. Faustus was obvious. ?And you are correct to assert that a protagonist doesn’t always have to be initially sympathetic, that he can be an anti-hero as long as he is interesting, compelling, competent. ?So that the audience can have the perverse, ?but very real — and bankable — voyeuristic ?pleasure of watching someone being very good at being very bad. ? Like Frank Underwood.

      (Or if a comedy, the voyeuristic/sadistic pleasure of laughing at the folly that flows from his flaws.)

      Anyway, now it’s clearer what constitutes the the hook of the story: a cabal of demons usurp the Devil to jump start the apocalypse. ?That’s not a bad hook. ?

      However, of all the 7 billion people plus on the planet ?in danger of dying, what makes the lawyer the only one qualified to stop it?

      He’s rich and greedy — attributes that reflect his back story, that got him to where he is when this story opens, right? But what purpose will rich and greedy serve in driving the plot of your story? ?Frank Underwood’s character flaw, his ruthless ambition, is what drives the series, what is played out in the?present?tense of every episode. How is being rich and greedy going to drive the plot of this story?

      What voyeuristic pleasure does this logline promise the reader of the script, the viewer of the film?

      (And have you thought about writing this as a comedy? What’s the theme you wish to work out by playing the action out as a thriller?)

      fwiw

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