When exiled from his town, a duplicitous man must confront his identity.
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Why must he confront his identity?? What are the stakes: What does he stand to lose if he doesn’t?? What does he stand to gain if he does?
And film is a visual medium.? What’s the visual for “identity”, anyway?? ? What does that look like?
The logline lacks a concrete objective goal for the protagonist.? And the main character seems to be a passenger in the plot vehicle rather than the driver of the plot vehicle. He’s being driven (somewhere) by circumstances, rather than? driving the plot himself toward a specific, objective, concrete destination. ?
Please consult “Our Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines to writing? an industry standard logline.
Why?
You are missing a goal
What is the reason the lead must confront his identity?
Just curious, where and when does this take place, obviously?it is not modern day America or Australia, I am curious if this is a fantasy setting or takes place in the past.
1. More character information. Can’t picture or realise simply a duplicitous man. Give him more substance and uniqueness.
2. Needs a more developed conflict
3. Higher stakes
4. Needs tangible action
5. There’s no plot here – got to be a series of events the protagonist must overcome in order to achieve their…
6. GOAL – no goal clear here.
Despite sticking to the correct formula for writing a logline, the substance and interest and uniqueness is obviously lacking. Come back with a more developed story, character and conflict.
Sounds cool but you could add some stakes and a clearer goal to make it easier to visualize 🙂