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RichievSingularity
Posted: November 8, 20182018-11-08T12:18:48+10:00 2018-11-08T12:18:48+10:00In: Examples

“When he discovers the wild animals he’s hired to kill are actually outback Aborigines, an old west sharpshooter uses his rifle skills to take down the greedy landowner and protect the very people he was hired to kill.”

“When he discovers the wild animals he’s hired to kill are actually outback Aborigines, an old west sharpshooter uses his rifle skills to take down the greedy landowner and protect the very people he was hired to kill.”
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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2018-11-08T12:19:23+10:00Added an answer on November 8, 2018 at 12:19 pm

      –Quigley Down Under–

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2018-11-08T23:28:54+10:00Added an answer on November 8, 2018 at 11:28 pm

      An American cowboy hired to kill `’wild animals`’ in the Outback instead uses his sharpshooting skills against his Australian employer when he discovers his job is to kill Aborigines.
      (29 words)

      Awkward.? My principal concern is that the original version? buries the identity of the protagonist in the logline.? He’s not identified until almost 1/2 way through .? So if I were to stay with the original version, I would lead off with “When an American cowboy — clearly identifying the protagonist by the 4th word instead of the 18th.

      fwiw

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