Terrified of his parents suspicions, a freshly outed gay high school senior must get a girlfriend so his parents will think he is straight.
DanielSturmanLogliner
Terrified of his parents suspicions, a freshly outed gay high school senior must get a girlfriend so his parents will think he is straight.
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“Freshly outed,” is an odd word combo. Maybe the way?the kid is outed (the missing event) leads to his choice to make arrangements for a “girlfriend.” This suggest that he is outed at school or work and that his parents aren’t aware of the outing. If he was outed in front of his parents, then the girlfriend idea would be pointless. Maybe he is outed in one place in the story and there is a sense that the news will be traveling to his parents over the course of a day. A time element (clicking rocks) is important in the latter half of the screenplay. “Getting a girlfriend” isn’t believable either, it implies a random female is in the ready to act as the prop he suddenly needs to solve a problem. Maybe it is his boyfriends sister who agrees to step in while he figures out a way to properly come out to his parents. Perhaps, they depend on a confusion over names. Then, the parents meet the girl’s family and they really like each other. Then in a double?family outing, they let the parents of the gay boy know what’s really happening. The audience knows this is going to happen, so it will be very exciting to see how they tell them. Maybe they put on a family play and go back to the name confusion theme. I go in this direction because the logline as it stands implies that the solution and end of the story is to be okay with living a lie and to be unloyal to the parents. I think an end note of acceptance is better. How about: “When a?high school’s?theatrical production leads to an unforeseen outing of the main star, the frightened student?reaches out to his boyfriend’s family to find the best way to ease his family into his new lifestyle.” The event should be emphasized – beyond just a random “outing.” How it occurs can be part of what John Truby calls the “design principle” of the story. In Tootsie, the design principal is the use of a TV soap opera setting to play out the character development – it made sense because it was a world where people wore costumes, make-up, etc. It sounds like a wonderful beginning!
I’m not convinced this will work – not today, not in the west.
There is so much already dealing with LGBT subject matter that for a script to stand out (enough to catch a producer’s attention) it would need to present seriously high stakes and or be based on a real story. This sounds like very low stakes and rather pedestrian. Coming out as gay in 2017 – no big deal. This is, unless, the MC lives in a very strict community of people who would react to him being gay – evangelical Christians, Muslims or neo nazis.
Even then I struggle to see how this is a story worthy problem and one that we haven’t seen oh so many times before. I think you need to find a specific plot device that would raise the stakes beyond the socially awkward to real danger.
I think a comical bit you could add to the story would be; even though his parents are traditional Christians who believe homosexuality is a sin… They are completely oblivious to who is gay,
His mom has every Liberace album, “He is such a wonderful piano player, and so flamboyant, I just love his costumes.” “He’s gay mom” “I know he must be a very happy fellow” “No I mean he’s gay” “Oh don’t be silly”
Maybe he and his friend have a ‘sleepover’ and his mom catches them ‘wrestling’ in bed. “Oh boys will be boys, now time for sleep, you boys need to get your rest if you are to go to the YMCA tomorrow”
DPG is right though, you do need an antagonist.
?
The problem I see is that if he’s already been outed at school, it’s only a matter of time before his parents find out, right? ?(That’s the ultimate doomsday scenario.) ?So I don’t see how hitching up for the prom solves that problem. ?At best, it only postpones the day of reveal and reckoning.
Further, when you’ve raised some issue as the greatest problem, the greatest fear the protagonist has, then you’ve got it pay off. ?Anything less is a cheat.
And who is the antagonist, the nemesis in your scenario, anyway? ?I don’t see one.
Perhaps the “outing” adds confusion.
Scared of his parents finding he is gay a high school senior must find a girl willing to go the prom with him.
Leave the “outing” for the story.
Nice story.
Boy, I feel bad for his potential date. Here she’s thinking she’s scoring a great guy, but he’s really a liar and user. Gonna be hard to root for that guy.
Great advice so far. ?I can see this having some great potential for funny moments since it is a comedy.
Ask yourself what the morale of this story really is and what you want to convey, and be sure you reflect that when the curtain drops. I would want him to really stand up for his sexual feelings/choices and come out the better person for it.
Concur with Dkpough1. ? If he’s already been outed, what are the stakes — what does he stand to lose — what MORE does he stand to lose — by not being able to get a prom date?
In crafting a plot, you have to imagine the absolutely worst thing that can wrong in the situation you set up — the protagonist’s worst nightmare — and then design the plot as a conspiracy to make that nightmare happen to the protagonist.
What is the absolutely worst thing the teenager will face if he’s already been outed ?at the start of the story versus the absolutely worst thing he will face if he’s outed at, say, the prom??If seems to me that there would be more infinitely dramatic tension and more at stake if he’s trying to get a female date to cover up his sexual orientation from friends and family.
What am I missing in the scenario you propose?
fwiw
Stakes are simply the consequences that will occur if a character fails at their goal. Failing to stop a shark before eating people, means that those people will be eaten.
Stakes have to be set up. Why is getting a date to prom so important? What negative consequence will happen if he fails? Why is it important to him? If you don’t know, I don’t the script will be able to convey it to a producer who’s reading it.
I suggest reading through the other loglines labelled under Drama and Comedy on this site. Read through the feedback and try to apply that to your own logline.
I just don’t follow the logic of why he must be a gay bestfriend in order to get a date. What’s the conflict? Who’s the antagonist?
Here’s an example using elements from you logline: When his homophobic parents confront him about being gay, a closeted nerd must convince a popular cheerleader to go?to prom with him so his parents won’t send him to conversion therapy. (32)
While i do identify antagonists and stakes in my example, it doesn’t present a concept that would take up a feature length movie.
The problem seems to be that the logline doesn’t present a clear, logical plot that is unique. The logline describes a concept that displays a stereotypical role, and it doesn’t describe conflict. Quite simply, what’s stopping him from getting a date just by asking someone? How does being outed at school directly connect to having to get a date for prom? ?How does acting like a gay best friend get him a date to prom?
For general information, review the Formula tab at the top of the page, and like I mentioned earlier, study other people’s posts and the feedback they receive. I know from experience that learning to review other loglines immensely helps with writing your own.
This logline is confusing. First of all, take a girl to what? The inciting incident lacks a causal relationship with the action of the story. How does people finding out he’s gay make him have to go with a girl? T Why does he have to take a girl in the first place? Do you mean his parents don’t know?
There’s simply a number of actions that he could take to keep his family from knowing, if that’s the problem. Such as: 1) don’t go to the dance or party or whatever. 2) Go with a group of friends and meet up with his real date. 3) If it’s that important to appear to have a female date, then you know, just ask a female. Or tell a female friend of his situation so she can act like his date.
The logline is unclear and lacks stakes. What happens if he doesn’t find a female to go with him?