When he starts visualizing the sexual fantasies of anyone he touches, a love-struck freshman has one week to find true love or be doomed to rule hell.
Title: SixSixSix
LarsLogliner
When he starts visualizing the sexual fantasies of anyone he touches, a love-struck freshman has one week to find true love or be doomed to rule hell. Title: SixSixSix
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I’m always for simplification, however, in this instance, I still fail to see the cause and effect connecting the inciting incident and goal. Him getting these powers out of the blue doesn’t logically connect with him needing to find true love. What does true love mean? Must he be married? Engaged? Committed? Love is subjective and even in the fairy tails requires a symbolic act of some sort, what’s his?
Lastly, what’s at stake? So what if he visualizes other people’s desires, is that a bad thing? What does he have to lose that forces him to make a deal with the devil?
Little Nicky kind of did this already. In that they answered pretty much all the questions raised in this thread. The Devil is dying and his son (born to an angel after a drunken night with the Devil) must venture off into the human world to find a cure for his father.? It’s not the same plot, but explores similar father/son themes between the devil and his offspring.
After reading your explanations, I think the plot is the problem – normally the case when a logline struggles to work. Being the Devil he can damn well do what ever he wants, deal or no deal, so binding him to a promise doesn’t make much sense.
Is there something the son must do or else? Like in Little Nicky that the devil can’t deny or renege on?? Is there a more compelling set of circumstances for both son and father?
If this story has not been written yet, there could be a different take on it which might help.
The idea would be this:
A popular high school Quarterback who thinks he’s Gods gift to women makes a bet with the Devil, that he can seduce the school Virgin who has dedicated herself to purity.
Now he has one week. If he succeeds he will be granted his wish, to be the star QB at Ohio State. If he fails he will be sent directly to Hell, no passing go, no get out of jail card.
The devil, in the mean time, will play tricks on him to make his mission even harder.
I like the setup of a hapless teen whose imagination is a hyper-hormoned porn site. ?Plenty of comedy material in that. ?Every adolescent male can identify with that situation.
But I don’t see what’s so funny about dooming the kid to hell if he can’t find “true love” in one week. ?That seems to be an overly contrived story line. ? Why would the Devil care about anyone falling love? ?Love is not his game. ?Why does the Devil want ?to retire?
And if the kid is the devil’s progeny and successor why hasn’t the he been growing up in hell all along? ? And who’s the mother? ?What say or influence does she have in this?
So I like the initial predicament. ?But the plot? ?Not so much. ?It raises more questions in my mind than interest.
fwiw
The inciting incident is him visualizing the sexual fantasies of someone he touches, but that doesn’t have a cause and effect relationship with him being made to take over hell. More so, him needing to find true love doesn’t connect with him being made to take over hell.
I like a good comedy, but the cause and effect connections here are tenuous. Why not broaden the type of visions he gets and have him visualize the sins of all those he touches. He then touches the girl he loves and sees the worst of them all – she’s a sweetheart on the outside but a chainsaw wielding serial killer on the inside.
It would be really helpful to find out whether people prefer a clearer but longer version:
When he starts visualizing the sexual fantasies of anyone he touches, a love-struck freshman discovers he?s destined to takeover Hell, but the Devil gives him one week to find true love and avoid his fate.
It sounds like “The dead zone” meets “American pie”.
I would like what the conflict is. Why is ruling in hell bad? Why hell? Did he get his powers from a demon? ?I think you need to make this clearer.
Hi nouveau, thanks for your feedback. ?it’s INCREDIBLY USEFUL.
Yes it’s “Omen” turned into a gross-out comedy. ? The devil is the antagonist and he wants to hand over the reins to his son, the unwitting protagonist. ? ?I’ll try reworking it to get the antagonist in and the concept clearer.
This sounds like a really fun concept with a lot of potential for comedy. But could you expand on the antagonist more? I am guessing it has something to do with the Devil? Other than that, I think you have something great on your hands.