Logliner
Posted: 2016-10-24T15:13:54+10:00 In:

When her boyfriend is forced to participate in an experiment that trains him to kill, a perfect student must abandon school to find him and save him before he kills her, himself, or them both.

When her boyfriend is forced to participate in an experiment that trains him to kill, a perfect student must abandon school to find him and save him before he kills her, himself, or them both.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Why is he being trained to kill? ?Whose training him? ?Political terrorists? ?A religious cult?

      And I prefer “brainwashed” to “forced”.

      What do you conceive to be the hook in the story?

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    2. Singularity

      1st: This is a clearer picture of what’s going on?than your first attempt, however, I would still work on the wording

      How about this for the opening line: “When her boyfriend is forced to become an assassin…”
      —–
      2nd: ?I would try to add a step. The overall objective is to save her boyfriend, but for the logline I would concentrate on ‘how’ she plans on doing that.

      For instance, is he forced to become an assassin because they have kidnapped someone he loves. If so then the step would be, “She must save his sister so her boyfriend can escape their clutches”

      In other words, I would add to the logline, The lead must (Do this thing) in order to save her boyfriend.
      —–
      3rd: This is more of a question. How does she know her boyfriend is being trained to kill if she doesn’t know where he is? Is this an open experiment which everyone knows about or is it a secret experiment? Because if it’s a secret experiment then the inciting incident would actually be when she discovers her missing boyfriend is being forced to become an assassin.

      Anyway I believe your logline is heading in the right direction. Good luck with this!

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