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RCole27Penpusher
Posted: February 10, 20202020-02-10T11:57:53+10:00 2020-02-10T11:57:53+10:00In: Coming of Age

When her husband takes a sabbatical from his family, and her children are placed in therapy, she struggles at parenting.

 

 

When her husband takes a sabbatical from his family, and her children are placed in therapy, she struggles at parenting.

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    4 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2020-02-10T12:13:39+10:00Added an answer on February 10, 2020 at 12:13 pm

      This is shorter, more to the point.

      However, “Struggles at parenting” is not a goal.

      What is the lead character’s goal that will be resolved at the end of the script?

       

       

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2020-02-10T12:22:24+10:00Added an answer on February 10, 2020 at 12:22 pm

      Stories need to have a proactive lead character who has a goal. And then something to stand in the way of that goal.

      Also; the beginning of the story and the main goal should match.

      —-

      1: If the beginning of the story is the husband leaving then the goal would be, for the lead character to become an independent mother.

      2: If the beginning of the story, is the lead characters’ children are placed in therapy, then the goal would be to help her children overcome whatever caused them to be placed in therapy.

      3: If the beginning of the story is the lead moves from a poorer neighborhood into high society, then the goal would be for the lead to help her family adjust to the new neighborhood.

      But only one will be the main storyline, the rest will be ‘B’ storylines within the script.

      —-

      So in the script, all of these storylines are acceptable. but only ONE will be the main storyline and that is what should be in the logline.

      1: Her husband leaves/Become independent

      2: Her children are placed in therapy/Help her children

      3: Fish out of water/learn to adjust to new her society

      Hope this helps

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    3. RCole27 Penpusher
      2020-02-10T12:25:27+10:00Added an answer on February 10, 2020 at 12:25 pm

      Thank you. In the pilot all three events have happened, however, I think based on what I wrote the children going into therapy is the most crucial so I will write a logline around that aspect

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2020-02-11T00:18:25+10:00Added an answer on February 11, 2020 at 12:18 am

      The designated genre is “Coming of Age”.? This tag? indicates that the narrative will be framed from the pov of one of the children.? That the protagonist will be one of the children.? But the logline is framed from the pov of the wife.

      So who owns the story?? Who is in the driver’s seat of the plot?? Who is the protagonist?

       

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