Outlaw Rising
Tony ByrdPenpusher
When his former lover is killed, an immortal cowboy rises from the dead teams up with a teenage girl to kill those are responsible.
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If the protagonist is immortal, wouldn’t it defuse the tension from the action scenes?
As Guy Man said.
Plus, if he’s immortal, how can he rise from the dead.
This reminds me of Drive Angry and Deadpool. I would try to elevate the concept. I would remove rises from the dead. He is immortal why would he be dead? The character would need a flaw, so I would rethink the immortal description. If something or someone threatened his immortality that would help.
Play with the concept a little bit and that will help with the logline. Here is an example, not perfect but a starting point.
An immortal cowboy teams up with a sharp shooting teenager to kill a ruthless crime gang responsible for his lover?s death.
I hope this helps. Happy writing.
From a technical standpoint, this is your best-formatted logline.
If he’s immortal maybe he’s facing a gang of outlaw ghost bandits? Like someone said above, being immortal leaves him with no adversaries. Unless they are immortal too.
Also, what about the teenage girl he teams up with? Why she would join him? Or maybe she has a special power – sees dead people, for instance.