Penpusher
Posted: 2016-03-02T20:39:20+10:00 In:

When his mother dies in his arms, an insomniac paramedic abandons the scene of the car accident that claimed her to wander the city streets in search of his estranged siblings.

When his mother dies in his arms, an insomniac paramedic abandons the scene of the car accident that claimed her to wander the city streets in search of his estranged siblings.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      This is confusing to me, it sounds like this man leaves his dead mother and then just wanders aimlessly through the streets hoping to bump into estranged siblings. If that is not the story maybe try using the word after instead of when to separate the events with time.

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with FFF.

      Also the cause and effect between the mother dying and him needing to track down estranged siblings is not clear.

      I get that you mean she whispered to him with her dying breath that he has brothers or sisters, but this isn’t specified in the logline. It would seem to me that the logline would benefit from mentioning this and specifying it as the inciting incident.

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    3. Mentor

      Hello,
      I can’t seea conflict that should fuel the long second act… what happens after he starts searching his siblings? What opposes to his goal?

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